May 12, 2006 by kellys
Filed under celebrities, news
B5media is proud to present Widow’s Quest. It’s a new blog dealing with the loss of a spouse and the new life that follows. Everyone knows someone that can benefit from this subject. We recently just lost my grandfather. My grandmother and he had been married for over 60 years. Widow’s Quest is the perfect blog for her. Take a look and let Marlene know how she’s doing.
 | Click here to subscribe to Thrifty Mommy, or enter your email address and we'll send updates straight to your inbox. |
Jennifer is a freelance writer and blogger. Her writing background includes copy for non-profits and businesses, the web, and national magazines. Other obsessions include Frisbee, road trips, books... more
Karen is a mother of three children ages 3, 5, and 11 and wife to Gerald. She left teaching to be a homemaker and work-at-home mom, where she rediscovered her joy of writing. Karen is best known ... more
Hello anyone reading this. I have never done anything like this before. Just looking through “widow” , a word I hate, in google.
I lost my husband to lung cancer July 8. 2008, about 6 months ago. I went to a six week bereavment group. I have had great support from family and friends. I see a psychiatrist each month who I have been seeing for probably 15 years. My 38 year old son lives with me and is a great help and comfort. My daughter and her husband and my grandchild is a great support also. I have been starting to write poetry again to really express the deep loss to my soul. We were married 44 years. He was a physican Oncology/Hematology, Internal Medicine, and Gerantology. We worked together in our office for 28 years. I am a clinical nurse specialist. We laughed, played, traveled, and on and on and nothing fills the hole yet of his absence. I have stopped crying daily a while ago and only occaisonally now. I am using his computer and surrounded by his books and things. He and I closed the practice 3 months after he was diagnosed. I cared for him during the following 4 years of chemotherapy and the last 6 weeks of hospice. I would have done anything for him. Life continues . Life goes on.
I fill the hole with activities, not over doing it, but movies, my syngogue Torah study, volunteer work, TV, computer games, music performances, and soon it will be time to put in my garden. And life goes on. But I have no special someone just for me. I lost him. I am not angry. We shared a soul. We solved problems together at home in the medical practice. People were so good at the funeral and following days in support. I still have not sent out thank you notes, but I will .The financial papers and probate went well. I have good people. The house was just paid off this month.
I am just walking through doing. I feel kind of empty inside. Something is so missing. I am not depressed .Just kind of empty. I have started working on getting the information together for my income tax to meet with my accountant. I am a cancer survivor. I got breast cancer a year after my husband was diagnosed and had radiation for 6 weeks and chemotherapy for a year. I continued to care for him and drive him for his treatments. He was able to hold me and let me cry when I knew he was going to die. Most of the time we just enjoyed being with each other never of course knowing the hour of his death. We did not much talk of it. We both knew the story. We just lived. Life goes on . It is lived. HOurs are filled. I am a one now. NOt a two. ONe plus one makes much more than two.
I can not tell you I feel a lot of pain. I just feel empty, distant for life. I do not feel joy. Maybe I am feeling just bla bla blah. Time passes. I think the word is I am existing . Existential anxt. NOt sure how to spell the word. But a part of me is gone . The person who cared for me, loved me, my special person. poof. A last breath. How do you fill that place again? I never will. I am on a search again. The peace I had achieved with him has changed into search. HE was 70 I am 67. It is such a strange feeling without him. I laugh at our favorite TV shows but just me laughing . I am going to all my doctors. MY big problem is at night. I eat too much and just do not care to diet. NO man will be interested in me physically.
NOt that I want to meet one. But it would be nice to have a special person. I think I am too old. I do not not know my direction. I do not know where I am going. I do the things I need to do. I fill my time. But I am a widow. I hate that word . I miss him so much . I will find my way into tomorrow without him. NO self pity. I will find my way. Step by step. Slow going . ……….