Anniversaries of losing someone is strange.

1. Why is any day any more important than any other…when missing someone?
2. Time in some ways helps you cope with anniversaries but never takes away the pain.

I also find that the biggest benefit is that other people give you space, they understand that you may not be 100%, they accept more easily that you are grieving.

The rest of the time although you clearly will never get over the pain, people who don’t understand grief think that you should be progressing back to …what would you say ‘normality’? Mind you that then begs the question what is normal anyway

Somehow on an anniversary which in many ways to the widow and widower is just another day of heartache…the world stops judging you and allows you to grieve….they send cards, maybe ring, give you a hug….

In a way this seems harsh and yet I think the world is right…if the world constantly tiptoes round us then we will never get through the grief cycle?

How do you feel about anniversaries?

The 5th of November, 6 years ago at 8.08pm was a sad day for our family. We lost Dad who was such a wonderful gentleman..and gentle man. I will never forget being there with mum as he said goodbye to the world with fireworks lighting up the earth (It is Bonfire night in the UK on the 5th) We always liked to think of that as the world celebrating his life and sending him on his way with such a fitting tribute.
Today I am in London, away from my special mum who I know reads this blog. I hope that …read more

It was Gandhi who made this comment and do you know I feel it is as apt for widows and widowers as it is for people wanting to make societal or political change.
Readers know that I am on a constant roller coaster of emotion…that little old lady called grief manages to shake me to the core every now and then, just to remind me that overcoming a bereavement is hard. So just when it seems easier, just when I seem to be back in control of my own emotions….grief prods me to remind me that it is still there …read more

Oh dear I have slipped today, after such a good week – but hey isn’t that what grieving is all about?
This week is such a bad week for me I need to be in 3 places at once, most days and I am feeling totally out of control. I wish that I didn’t have to balance so many competing things….
When you get out of control, doesn’t it feel so depressing? You start to feel as though no one values YOU, that you seem to spend your life pleasing other people, accommodating other people…but who is there now for YOU? (Widows …read more

A wonderful comment came from Rae to the post Happy Halloween about a feeling which I have had on a couple of occasions.  The feeling is that suddenly you forget that they have passed away, that you feel their presence, that you suddenly see them or sense them in the house.
I remember after about 3 months getting so mad that he wasn’t replying or coming through to the lounge when I needed some help to move the television! I had no idea that he had died, to me at that moment he was alive and even annoying (!) as he …read more

After the flu a few weeks ago, well actually a chest infection, this week I have finally started to get myself sorted out…a little. Oh isn’t life or grief, such a rollercoaster…..
To help us all as normal on a Sunday here are this weeks articles to help us with our positive thinking
Anna presents What Do Your Eyes Tell A Person posted at The Engaging Brand
GP presents Changes in Latitude « Musings from Montana posted at Manely Montana, saying, “changes in attitude.. make all the difference”

Cheryl Ragsdale presents Here’s Everything You Need to Know About Saying Yes or Saying No posted …read more

There was a time just after losing my loved one that I found every celebration or festival …..what is the word, as I was going to say stupid and I don’t mean that….I found them trivial.
Not because I am against the celebration but my grief meant that I found these kind of events so difficult to deal with, and faced with that difficulty I just wanted to hide from all that….jollity!
Tonight is halloween and I have really made an effort tonight…there are spiders webs, pumpkins, Happy Halloween posters…far too many sweets and loads of lights.
I decided that tonight I would …read more

Losing someone you love makes you think about the need for love so deep inside all human beings. Last night I went over to stay with mum ahead of a meeting I was having near her…..and it struck me that as a child you spend much of the time wanting others to see you grown up, wanting to fall in love, wanting to be ‘treated like an adult’.
The irony is that as you become that adult, as you go through the joys and sorrows of life, you value that support and looking after of others. Last night I went home, …read more

Grief is something that we feel so much on a daily basis and in some ways controls our lives – it made me think that this ‘thing’ that controls our thoughts and feelings, this ‘thing’ which causes so much pain…what is it? Is it tangible, is it something we physically live with….or is it intangible, so therefore something that we manage through our minds?
When I think about it….for me there is a bit of both

Tangible – there is that element of being alone, being the only person in the home, in the car, in the bed. There is that element …read more

I was sent these two wonderful grief poems by a lady who referred to herself as Jenny. She had just heard them at a family funeral and thought that we may find some comfort in them…..thank you Jenny for sharing
In Our Hearts
We thought of you with love today.
But that is nothing new.
We thought about you yesterday.
And days before that too.
We think of you in silence.
We often speak your name.
Now all we have is memories.
And your picture in a frame.
Your memory is our keepsake.
With which we’ll never part.
God has you in his keeping.
We have you in our heart..
author unknown
Four Candles
The …read more