Bereavement is a time when you think there are so many more questions in this world than answers. Grief makes the logical, illogical and the rational, irrational. As I have said before there is only one answer to why theydie….because they do.

No answer that will take away the pain, no answer that will change the fact they are gone. Sat with Nana, I started questioning the world and came up with these 10 questions which constantly haunt me

1. Is there anything else I could have done differently?
2. Why now?
3. Why them?
4. Why take the good ones?
5. How can I live without them?
6. Did they know how loved they were?
7. What is the point of life without them?
8. How will I cope?
9. Why go on?
10. Are they watching over me?

These are my questions, I am sure that grief brings others into your mind. I smile because the answer to most of these questions is – and will remain – unknown. Isn’t that where the pain truly lies…that there are no answers to the loss of a loved one?

H

As I look at nana I wonder…which is the most frightening?
Waiting to die or
Waiting to live?
I always assumed death was the most fearful, after all once it happens who truly knows. That fear of the unknown I am sure has brought Nana back from the edge at least twice this week.
But then you look at the life of a widow or widower after bereavement. That lack of acceptance means that we don’t move on, living is as fearful to the survivor as often death can be to the dying.
In both situations the fear is based on the unknown – though …read more

They have now taken away Nana’s fluids and we sit and wait….when you think of the long days and nights we spend grieving and often for me even wishing days away…I now look at Nana and think….time is so precious. Time is one thing money can’t buy, time is something that you can never get back.
I am thinking of the special moments we cherish, I am thinking of how important it is that we find a way to cherish our own moments. We may live alone now, we may feel the pain of loneliness, we may think our hearts will …read more

If losing someone is this painful why do humans love at all?
Isn’t it strange how you can lose the power of your senses but still feel and show love?
True love is not that romantic love at all, true love is an unwavering, unconditional state of the heart which loves from the soul not the eyes.
When a human is stripped bare, when there is nothing around…what is the one possession which matters? A heart that has loved and is loved.
Life is what we make it, maybe death is what we make it too?

When you love someone, it is not just about loving them whilst …read more

Still at the hospital and it breaks my heart to see her lying there…looking almost childlike. I suppose I am now coming to terms with letting her go as she is finding harder and harder to breathe and you just don’t want her to find anything about life hard.
I had tears last night when I said to her “Its OK Nana, go to sleep…there is nothing to be afraid of Bronco (that is my nickname for my grandad) is waiting for you.”  The tears were recognition that I had to let her go, I had to help her through this …read more

As I sit by nana’s bedside I am feeling the true power of love. She has always been my special friend, she has always been the person who I feel understands me the most. Why? Because like her I try and live a good life and yet I also have a little rebellious side.
Sat singing to her I have this overwhelming love, as though my body and heart wants to give her all the love inside.
When you are losing someone, love suddenly becomes so clear. Love is unconditional, love is pure, love in the end is all that matters.
I truly …read more

Funny after going 3 nights without sleep or at least only cat naps by Nana’s bed…I still feel Ok. Yet if I only get 6 hrs on a ‘normal’ day I feel tired…when you are with someone so ill, so tired then this energy comes from nowhere. I suppose that it is not then a shock that your body needs time to recover through the grieving process.
The hospital offered us a room. Mum grabbed a few hours each night in there but when you are here, you just want to hold them and let them know they are not alone. …read more

On days like today when faced with what seems like an inevitable fate…I still remember the need to stay positive. In any life changing event there is a positive no matter how small…for instance, having his time with Nana is wonderful memories, and really helps you understand the relationship…why it is so important to me. So here are this weeks articles

Editorial presents Power Affirmations posted at Your Best Library, saying, “Power affirmations is a technique to overcome limiting beliefs and adopt a positive mindset.”

ElsabeSmit presents The Truth About Stress Relief posted at mypurpleblog.com, saying, “Stress is always the result of …read more

Just managed to grab a laptop in the hospital as need to rearrange and cancel my week ahead. Nana had a huge stroke on Thursday night and we were told to get to the hospital as quickly as possible on Friday morning. Nana is so special to me, you that person you just HAVE that bond with…in fact I have written many times about her advice to me over the years.
Friday was tough as we sat with her, but despite her 99 years she kept on fighting and although we are not leaving her bedside at least we have time …read more

Anna wanted me to write a post explaining her absence on the blog. Anna is with her nana right now who is dying. Nana is slipping away and Anna expects to be back to writing soon.
Please send thoughts, love and prayers to Anna and her family during this time.
Thanks,
Kori