2 kinds of learning to cope
June 11, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
Coping with loss is difficult and we all struggle at times, that is why I would love more people to become involved with our monthly online meeting. To come out of the grief tunnel we need to learn how to live by ourselves, how to cope with the loneliness, how to find happiness again. So how do we learn? Well I believe there are two ways
- Reading and sharing with others. If you like, learning the theory of grief and how to cope with bereavement.
- The ‘doing‘. We need to join life again, we need to break out of our grieving shells and start to put the theory into practice.
For me as long as you are doing one of these then you are progressing and you are on the way. The second part – the joining life again – is tough for me. I am becoming more and more of a loner and find it harder to got out…but we must. It is through friendship and love.…that we will heal our hearts.
Anna, I agree with you that we must know the theory of getting through the grief. That’s the easy part. The doing is harder, as you said. I really believe that our online chats are a real step in the right direction. I do hope more readers join us next month. Wouldn’t that be wonderful?
This site has played a huge part in my healing process and the online support has taken that one step further. Thanks again.
Anna as usual you are so right about this journey, like you I find the temptation to be a loner and not be social but know that I must in order to truly manage this grief and learn to cope with it as a part of my life and not just my life. Hopefully the chats will give all that participate some confidence for the “doing”.
Thanks
Deb
Hi Anna, I have to agree that helpful readings and doing things in new ways is so helpful to me but I am still finding that I have to ‘let go” of so much throughout each stage since Don died 20 months ago. I keep having to let go of the physical person and accept him into my heart forever. Have to let go of the bad memories of final months with cancer in order to live fully in the present. And then I am letting go of my old self which was so identified with him in order to emerge with a “new self” that will serve me well for the rest of my life.
So much requires a huge leap of faith. I am willing to do it but, when the latest branch of the family leaves the beach tomorrow, I will be doing what I hate most again. Saying “Goodbye for now……..”
Cindy, what you wrote about your old self identifying with him is so true. I never thought of it quite that way but you are right. It was so comfortable being part of a couple and completely identifying with my husband. It is like we have to reinvent ourselves and that is so difficult to do. The letting go is the hardest part. Sometimes it is so hard to look ahead but there is strength in numbers and I think we can all do this together. Thank you for your words today. They were an inspiriation.
It is amazing what grief and death can do to people and family functioning. As a nurse, I have seen the affects and as a person I have experienced it with the loss of my mother and brother. They were both very young, my mom 43 and my brother 22, and passed within two years of each other. It is incredibly difficult for individuals and families to cope with.
Sheila at
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