A Miss Dad Day
March 3, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
I don’t know why but today I had this ache just to see Dad. Dad was so central to the way that I think about life and the person that I am …… we weren’t totally close except in the heart and mind. But then I would argue they are the most important places.
Since Dad died I have meandered, looking for meaning and I think lost as though my compass bearing has gone. I look back and think about what I have achieved but in some way it was for Dad. Dad didn’t expect anything from me, he just loved me and yet I was like a puppy inside wanting to please.
Some days I just wish so hard that he was here….some days I miss him so much….some days is today
Anna what a wonderful way to explain your feelings for your dad, I often tell people that until mine died at the age of 66, 19 years ago, I didn’t realize what a motivator he had been for me and how much I had accomplished to be able to share it with him. I miss him greatly each day and am so glad he did meet Dave and got to know and like him. I often think that the two of them are up there watching out for me and keeping a place warm, it doesn’t help with the loneliness much but makes me smile at times.
Deb
Speaking of missing Dad I am having trouble explaining her Dad’s absence she is only 2yrs but I don’t know what else to tell her. If anyone out there can help????
Your Dad is still with you. Be still and feel his presence. It is hard when someone you love can not be there physically but know that he will always be there in spirit. Feel the love now and remember the love you shared when you were together. Words can not express how much I understand the sadness and I send you wishes for peace. Your Dad is watching from heaven and guarding you everyday from above. Keep that thought close to your heart! Take care!
Your comments caused some tears but tears of love, thank you all xxx
Connie I will post today some guidance….lets see if we can help
I wasn’t very clear I lost my husband my daughter’s father and now it looks like I’m losing his family too. I’m torn to pieces because I only knew him for four years and I just don’t know enough about him. Losing that tie is actually making me very angry
Anger is a natural reaction. My advice is to think about what you can change and what you can’t change. You can change your reaction to the events but not those of others…..they are grieving too and it may mean that the relationships become strained…allow time to heal that process. What you can do is learn to see that the only thing you can control is your life, make some goals and work towards them….I think once I let go of anger I almost went numb but then I started to rebuild. I cannot change the way others feel but I can change the way that I look forward…does any of that make sense?
I am looking forward. I am currently in school to be a PSW and I look forward to the day God sends me another love. Though I’m not ready for that yet. As for his family I don’t know that this will heal in fact I wonder if it was ever there to begin with. They are very poor and live in Jamaica. I know they have what they need but they want more. I now have to support myself and my daughter on a minimal life insurance and get an education. I want to share but based on the past; If I give them a hand they will take my arm. I’m pretty sure it’s over and I will come to terms with this additional loss. I am a strong women and though I may not know where I am going I will stand true with God walking beside me. He knows where to go so I am confident and with his help my anger will subside
Connie – I am glad that you have your belief, that is something that I would love and yet don’t feel able to embrace. As tough as this situation is you are right, the future is still there….you can at least define that future if not how others react. Set those goals small and recognise your achievements, strength is a much undervalued human trait. I now make wishes for the future and take a step at a time to make them reality, at that time of grief your wishes are about the past and they can never come true. Just keep on that path of strength and I am sure that you will get there…keep letting us know how you cope won’t you? Or if you have any tips that will help us all find that strength we would love to hear…