A Widow and the ‘If Only’ Stage of Grief

Any widow or widower goes through that stage which I call the ‘if only’ stage. I wrote this ‘poem’ shortly after he died and I had added some more lines today, hope it helps – remember I am no poet it is just my scribblings about how I feel about grief and death

If only I had told you more often that I loved you

If only I had been more patient

If only I had done something, anything to prevent you becoming ill

If only I had worked less and been with you more

…If only as I sit here today I had less ‘if only’s’

Today I know that ‘if only’s’ won’t bring you back

And I believe that you knew how much I loved you

I know that the past is gone, never to be changed

So now I must let go and stop the ‘if only’

Otherwise I will grow older and forever lonely

The past is gone and the future can be

As strong as the past….it is all down to me.

So goodbye to the ‘if only’ and hello to ‘what if’

And look at the changes within my control

Not ones that have passed which are forever gone

Yes, my life is bereft of the person I love

But I know you will guide me from the heavens above

So goodbye to yesterday yet not the memories

And hello to today and that feeling of hope….