Am I Cursed or Does Grief Lesson Your Powers of Recovery?
June 27, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life
Yesterday was great, really felt I was coping and even wrote a blog post called From Weakness Comes Strength ! I felt that I had my emotions under control, then I get up this morning and my broadband connection won’t work (and now won’t for up to 5 days), and one of my cats is not very well….
Why is it that life throws these things at you ? I know the two problems are not life or death, I know that but it has just shaken all that strength that I had built up. I feel as though life doesn’t want me to get stronger, I feel life when it sees my coping just throws more day to day problems to test that resolve…..
Yes I know I am feeling sorry for myself….stupid really….and I have to dig deep. I think what makes it worse is that the broadband he would have sorted out…so it makes me miss him more.
What’s that phrase onward and upward…..I think at times like this you can do one of 2 things – crumble and let life engulf you or realise that these are here to test you and try not to fail that test.
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Hi Anna,
Sending you a hug. I can identify with the broadband/missing him issue. Back in December, I couldn’t go to work because my car wouldn’t start. Long involved story, but I found myself really missing Michael. Like your husband, he would have diagnosed the problem. I had to deal with it on my own. My long-term solution: lease a new car.
Take care,
Mary
I know that feeling…”Bill would have handled this.” has gone through my mind more than once since he died.
In fact writing it, makes me weepy.
And I know about the one day is ok…the next a nightmare issue.
I help myself to feel better by reminding myself that even if Bill were alive there would be ups and downs to life.
Mary and Kelli thanks for that as it really helps to know it is not just me! Mary doesn’t it just show that there is always another solution!
Key is finding some happiness is finding that solution for yourself….actually patting yourself on the back and saying “See, you can do it girl”
Thanks for all 3 of your comments! And as you say, it’s nice to know that is not just me, feeling like this. I want to say, “Come back and help me deal with this!” Sometimes I just do NOT want to handle or deal with the situation – and sometimes I just cry in sheer frustration – and add to that, the “missing him” feeling. I try to limit the tears to the home-and-alone times. I know I can do these things, but I sure wish I had someone to share the burden of the tasks.
Hi Anna,
I just found your blog and can relate to what you write about.
My husband died in December. We have 6 kids and we’re all trying to move forward.
One breath at a time.
Janine
Anna,
Just as we have to exercise our physical bodies to keep them strong, we also have to exercise our minds and our emotions to keep them strong. It would be great if everything went well all the time, but it just doesn’t.
You’ve gone through one of the greatest losses a human being can experience and you’re very vulnerable to negative emotions. As difficult as it is sometimes, you handle the internet outages and the sick cats, building up your defenses against bigger problems that may come your way.
During dark times, turn to God and your many, many friends for support. They won’t let you down. It may also help to think about all the people around the world who have been helped by this podcast and your other work. You are a blessing to many people and there’s nothing wrong with reminding yourself of that when you need a boost.
You’re in many people’s thoughts and prayers.
This may sound strange but maybe therein lies hope that one day we will feel ready to love again. The ability to share our life and tribulations with someone special. It may not sound like something that we want now…but maybe humans were built not to be alone
A coincidence that you just mentioned this, Anna. I have had similar thoughts. I have heard it said that the longing to reconnect with someone, to have someone special in your life, indicates that you had a good marriage or a good relationship with your loved one. And that leaves you wanting to have that again. I hope that someone special comes into your life. You have been so supportive of many, and you deserve someone by your side to love you.
Greetings to Janine – Anna’s blog is so helpful. I found her also when I was searching for support.