“As woman cry and men attempt not to, letting them know that their mourning is a step toward the goal of healing will help a man feel more in control.” Adelle Tilton If you have experienced a loss, the odds are high that you know a man who is experiencing the same loss, perhaps your brother-in-law or your husband’s father. As you cry and mourn the death of your husband, you probably have seen the struggle that a man goes through when he is confronted by death. How can you help a man deal with grief and find the healing he needs? The Constructiveness of Grief Men are from Mars we have been told and thus the entire approach to emotions is different. But not that different and it is important to understand that. Grief is a process... [Read more]

There are many ways to make a memorial quilt. It is something that appeals to widows; I know when I lost my husband, it took forever to get the clothes out of the closet. As Joan Didion would have said in her book, The Year of Magical Thinking, “He’s going to need them when he gets back.” Which of course gets into denial but that isn’t what we are talking about today. Having a quilt made out of your husband’s clothes is like getting a hug from him. It is being snuggled in his arms and it also a wonderful tribute to him and your marriage. There are many kinds of quilts, but the one I am going to show you is the tee-shirt quilt. If your husband wore a lot of tee-shirts, collect them all together, and visit the... [Read more]

That is a quote from one of my favorite movies of all time, “The Shipping News.” It is said twice in the film, both times by one character to another who is going through a traumatic time in their life. “Tea’s a good drink. It’ll keep you going,” when the world is falling apart. My world isn’t falling apart, at least anymore, and I sincerely hope yours is not either. But I still have times that I need to comfort and nuture myself. Do you know that feeling? Probably you do. Let’s all nuture ourselves a bit. Tea’s a good drink and it will keep us going. It’s an easy way to indulge, warm up, and do something healthy for yourself. And it is inexpensive! How often can you find... [Read more]

How do you get up in the morning? Becoming a widow, changes your entire routine. At first, there is no routine and you are just struggling to get through one day and then the next day. But as time goes by, you realize you need a routine that works for you and your kids, if they are still young. How do you wake up? Do you eek out every second you can via the snooze button on your alarm clock, then race around like crazy to get out the door on time? Do you barely make it into the office on time? Does your morning consist of a cup of coffee in one hand and a hair dryer in the other? If so, you need to stop that routine and start a personal ritual for yourself in the morning. This list will help you plan out a new morning schedule that will... [Read more]

“What affects our body affects our minds and emotions and the reverse is just as true.” Adelle Tilton Grief is something that affects the whole person. It may be the most powerful experience that any of us can go through for it affects us emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically. After the death of a loved one, it is common for a bereaved person to experience physical issues. It is important to remember that we are not separate units within ourselves. What affects our body affects our minds and emotions and the reverse is just as true. Here is a list of the common physical manifestations of grief: Chest pain Fatigue Shortness of breath Headaches High blood pressure Difficulty in sleeping OR Inability to sleep Loss of Appetite Gastrointestinal... [Read more]