They have now taken away Nana’s fluids and we sit and wait….when you think of the long days and nights we spend grieving and often for me even wishing days away…I now look at Nana and think….time is so precious. Time is one thing money can’t buy, time is something that you can never get back. I am thinking of the special moments we cherish, I am thinking of how important it is that we find a way to cherish our own moments. We may live alone now, we may feel the pain of loneliness, we may think our hearts will never mend…but somehow we all at Widows Quest find a way… Time is not infinite, time in a sense is all we have…this is no longer our time together but our time to find ourselves, our passions,... [Read more]

If losing someone is this painful why do humans love at all? Isn’t it strange how you can lose the power of your senses but still feel and show love? True love is not that romantic love at all, true love is an unwavering, unconditional state of the heart which loves from the soul not the eyes. When a human is stripped bare, when there is nothing around…what is the one possession which matters? A heart that has loved and is loved. Life is what we make it, maybe death is what we make it too? When you love someone, it is not just about loving them whilst you are together, it is also about loving them enough to let them go. I have sat now 11 hrs short of a week at this bedside..even sleeping here….and what I have learned is... [Read more]

Still at the hospital and it breaks my heart to see her lying there…looking almost childlike. I suppose I am now coming to terms with letting her go as she is finding harder and harder to breathe and you just don’t want her to find anything about life hard. I had tears last night when I said to her “Its OK Nana, go to sleep…there is nothing to be afraid of Bronco (that is my nickname for my grandad) is waiting for you.”  The tears were recognition that I had to let her go, I had to help her through this final frontier…I had to help her face her fear. She had stayed with me during these last few days to help me face my fear…of living without her. I am sat wondering what it must feel like to literally... [Read more]

As I sit by nana’s bedside I am feeling the true power of love. She has always been my special friend, she has always been the person who I feel understands me the most. Why? Because like her I try and live a good life and yet I also have a little rebellious side. Sat singing to her I have this overwhelming love, as though my body and heart wants to give her all the love inside. When you are losing someone, love suddenly becomes so clear. Love is unconditional, love is pure, love in the end is all that matters. I truly believe that no matter whether people are unconscious, or whether we have lost them….love is eternal. For all our grief, for all our pain the love of those we lose will remain with us…..forever As nana would... [Read more]

Funny after going 3 nights without sleep or at least only cat naps by Nana’s bed…I still feel Ok. Yet if I only get 6 hrs on a ‘normal’ day I feel tired…when you are with someone so ill, so tired then this energy comes from nowhere. I suppose that it is not then a shock that your body needs time to recover through the grieving process. The hospital offered us a room. Mum grabbed a few hours each night in there but when you are here, you just want to hold them and let them know they are not alone. The irony is that they are looking after themselves better than you are… I wonder where that energy comes from, I wonder what store we have in our bodies that is only opened at traumatic events…I wonder how... [Read more]