Anniversaries of losing someone is strange. Why is any day any more important than any other…when missing someone? Time in some ways helps you cope with anniversaries but never takes away the pain. I also find that the biggest benefit is that other people give you space, they understand that you may not be 100%, they accept more easily that you are grieving. The rest of the time although you clearly will never get over the pain, people who don’t understand grief think that you should be progressing back to …what would you say ‘normality’? Mind you that then begs the question what is normal anyway Somehow on an anniversary which in many ways to the widow and widower is just another day of heartache…the... [Read more]

The 5th of November, 6 years ago at 8.08pm was a sad day for our family. We lost Dad who was such a wonderful gentleman..and gentle man. I will never forget being there with mum as he said goodbye to the world with fireworks lighting up the earth (It is Bonfire night in the UK on the 5th) We always liked to think of that as the world celebrating his life and sending him on his way with such a fitting tribute. Today I am in London, away from my special mum who I know reads this blog. I hope that regular readers won’t mind me taking this change to say this to mum Mum…there isn’t a daughter more proud in the world of how you have coped in grief. I know how much you loved Dad, I know how much he loved you and my fear was that you... [Read more]

It was Gandhi who made this comment and do you know I feel it is as apt for widows and widowers as it is for people wanting to make societal or political change. Readers know that I am on a constant roller coaster of emotion…that little old lady called grief manages to shake me to the core every now and then, just to remind me that overcoming a bereavement is hard. So just when it seems easier, just when I seem to be back in control of my own emotions….grief prods me to remind me that it is still there Nice of grief really! If we do want to be that happy, fun loving person as Gandhi said…then we must BE that person. When we live like that person we trick our sub conscious into believing they are that person. Now the hard... [Read more]

Oh dear I have slipped today, after such a good week – but hey isn’t that what grieving is all about? This week is such a bad week for me I need to be in 3 places at once, most days and I am feeling totally out of control. I wish that I didn’t have to balance so many competing things…. When you get out of control, doesn’t it feel so depressing? You start to feel as though no one values YOU, that you seem to spend your life pleasing other people, accommodating other people…but who is there now for YOU? (Widows Quest community accepted of course) I was thinking tonight about how to pull myself through this…and came up with one key thought. When you are out of control, the only thing is to Make a list... [Read more]

A wonderful comment came from Rae to the post Happy Halloween about a feeling which I have had on a couple of occasions.  The feeling is that suddenly you forget that they have passed away, that you feel their presence, that you suddenly see them or sense them in the house. I remember after about 3 months getting so mad that he wasn’t replying or coming through to the lounge when I needed some help to move the television! I had no idea that he had died, to me at that moment he was alive and even annoying (!) as he was ignoring my shouts…. I wonder why these events happen but then I suppose it is down to The fact you have shared your life with this special person and in that sense your hearts have almost morphed into one then their... [Read more]