When someone dies, you miss their voice….you still have their love….yet one thing I miss the most is their voice.

I know when I was Nana last month, because she had a stroke she could no longer speak…she could see, she could occassionally squeeze our hands…but she couldn’t convey how she felt. I wanted to know whether she was scared, I wanted to know whether she knew how loved she was…and yet she had lost the power of her voice. And in that silence lay the most incredible pain, my most incredible heartache.

I was thinking about that today and how much we undervalue the voice when we are surrounded by our loved ones…but when they pass away, you suddenly value the power of their voice.

I want the loved ones to find a way of speaking to me, I want to speak to them. I want to check if they are OK, I want a way of still communicating.

How do I cope….well, I continue to have the conversation anyway, in the hope that one day I will hear their voice somehow and they will answer……Grief can be lonely, not just because they are missing from our lives but because you are surrounded by voices – just not the one you REALLY want to hear

Post from: Widows Quest

1. I can …rather than I can’t..
2. I will… rather than I will never
3. I can cope…
4. I enjoy living…rather than I feel guilty living
5. I will do it today…rather than I will think about it tomorrow
6. I feel grateful for having them in my life…rather than I hate the fact they are gone
7. I feel proud of the way I…..rather than why can’t I…..
8. Can’t wait for 2010, it will be a new start…rather than when will 2009 end
9. I accept what has happened…rather than why did this happen?
10. It is time for me to move on…rather than holding on to the past

What would you suggest gets added to the list?

Post from: Widows Quest

Adam presents Stages of Grief posted at ZenTactics – Child Abuse Recovery, saying, “Sorry for your loss…Here is an article on the stages of grief…”

Kathleen Gaga presents Daily Awareness: Your best thinking got you where you are at…. so what do you think about that? posted at Daily Awareness, saying, “It is in the day by day choices our life is created. It is in the day by day choices, our happiness unfolds. It is in the day by day choices we design our life or we let life design us.”

Effortless Abundance presents Change Happens: What to Do When Circumstances Shift Unexpectedly posted at The Change Blog.

Derek D. Hambrick presents And for this, thanks. posted at Derek Hambrick’s Blog, saying, “Sometimes positive thinking is thrust upon us by circumstance.”

presents The Driving Force of Tremendous Change posted at The Real Mind, saying, “My article describing desire and how to find the deep motivational force behind positive change.”

Albie presents How you can be a modern hero in your own life? posted at iDevelopWorld.

GreatManagement presents Connect to Happiness at Work posted at GreatManagement Blog, saying, “Happiness is ultimately not in anyone else�s hands or controlled by anyone other than yourself. It is purely a choice you can make.”

Ralph Jean-Paul presents The Ultimate Guide to Giving and Taking Constructive Criticism posted at Potential 2 Success, saying, “A complete guide to giving criticism to friends, employees, and just about any other person in your life. This article also contains ways for you to be able to take criticism gracefully.”

axel presents Cultivating Mindfulness posted at axel g.

Aparna presents Who is a free person? posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming, saying, “inspiring, thought-provoking piece of writing”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Post from: Widows Quest

1. Face the world without your loved one
2. Face the world who feel uncomfortable knowing what to say to you
3. Face the problems of others that seem “trivial” to you at this time
4. Not grieve. You want to be free to think about them, to weep for their loss.

But we know that loneliness will only make us feel worse. Some time alone I think is good just to come to terms but when you start rejecting the world, invitations on a regular basis – and even in my case shopping on the internet so I don’t have to bump into someone who is going to ask how I am! – then the time has come to talk to yourself.

Yesterday I was down, I was wondering what life was all about. But then a friend phoned and said “I bet you feel empty. I know that you won’t want to come out, so I am coming over, food in hand, drink in hand and we will have a good old catch up”

She has just arrived and I am so glad that she came over. Already she has brought an energy to the house. Friendship isn’t always about dragging people out of the house. Sometimes it is coming to them and providing almost a half way house to civilisation. Don’t reject those offers of friendships….see it as a sign that you are a good person who people care about….see it as a way slowly of moving through the grief cycle.

Post from: Widows Quest

“your life’s footprint’s will not be washed away by the tide of grief”

When our loved ones leave us sometimes I think that we hold on to the memories as tight as we can because we fear if we let go then somehow

• We are doing something wrong
• We may forget them
• Others may forget them

On those days when you feel guilty or you feel fear then remember what I said at Nana’s funeral. They may be gone from our everyday lives but we will NEVER, NEVER forget them from our hearts.

Post from: Widows Quest

From the loss of Nana I have learned

• The importance of family.
• The importance of dignity and respect and how when you are with someone dying. it isn’t about your feelings – it is about what you can offer them
• That you can never take anything or anyone for granted…even for a day.
• That Nana was right….be true to yourself. Be empathetic for others, look out for others, be respectful of others but never lose your true self
• That no matter what you do, no matter how close you are….you will never feel you have done enough. However, doing your best and telling people how you feel will lesson the regrets.

What did you learn? Do you see grief as just too painful to learn from…or can you take something concrete to enhance your and your friends/family’s life afterwards?

Post from: Widows Quest

“You are as young as you faith, as old as your doubt; as young as your self-confidence, as old as your fears; as young as your hope, as old as your despair. In the central place of every heart, there is a recording chamber, so long as it receives messages of beauty and hope, cheer and courage, you are young. When the wires are all down and your heart is covered with the snows of pessimism and the ice of opinion, then and only then, have you grown old”

(General MacArthur)

How true this is…..how much do you invest your time in creating beauty and hope? How much cheer do you search for? Human life is short – we know more than most – lets not waste it with “snows of pessimism” but the “sunshine of hope”

Post from: Widows Quest

I found it hard to walk away, it felt as though life had already moved on and yet Nana was still there….I know it is only her body (Gosh this sounds a bit macabre) but I didn’t want to leave her alone. I had spent all that time at her bedside and now I was walking away from her…

I know what people say….the spirit lives on and in my mum, aunts and uncle she surely will….but I am still a little numb, a little raw today. I keep asking myself

“Does the world REALLY remember you when you have gone? I know I will, I kiss her hankie each night before going to sleep….but will the people who were there yesterday?”

The answer is clearly not on a daily basis and in that sense it is right….the idea of The King is Dead, Long live the king kind of thing, I mean life must carry on….yet when you are so close to someone that feels awful…

I am thinking this is normal, this is grieving…but still it makes you wonder about your own legacy…who will really remember us?

Post from: Widows Quest

Cheryl Ragsdale presents Faith, a Two-Legged Dog, Walks Upright Like a Human posted at That Girl is Funny, saying, ” Faith shows every day the strength and wonder of life – and that the things you never thought could happen – will one day become a reality.”

Vincent presents Rocky Balboa’s Lessons On Life posted at Hit Your Goals.

Kaushik Chokshi presents Saying Aloha to Fear posted at Beyond Karma, saying, “Positivity does not come from positive thinking. It is already here in abundance when fear is let go of.”

Positive Present presents are the people in your life positive? posted at positively present.

christopher foster presents How quickly an intention can manifest posted at thehappyseeker.com.

presents The Driving Force of Tremendous Change posted at The Real Mind, saying, “My guide to finding your root motivation for obtaining positive change.”

Elisha Webster Emerson presents A Little Angst Cannot be Helped posted at My Inconvenient Body, saying, “Angst may be a viable emotion, but here are some ways to keep it in check.”

Danea Horn presents Turning Negatives Into Positives posted at Affirmation Blog.

Michael Hogg presents Personal Goal Setting posted at michaelhogg.org.

Albie presents I find that, above all, the soul wants stories. posted at iDevelopWorld.

Joshua VanKirk presents How to stay positive posted at Your life. Your zen.

Anna presents Has the world changed really? posted at The Engaging Brand

Aparna presents Develop a positive attitude posted at Beauty and Personality Grooming, saying, “A positive attitude or outlook on life can lead to positive behavior and success. A person with a positive behavior draws others’ like a magnet.”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our carnival submission form.

Post from: Widows Quest

“We will have good and bad times, it is how we maximise the good to help cope with the bad!”

And I think that is true. I have written many times about the rollercoaster nature of grief….and rollercoaster’s can truly make you feel scared, feel ill and never want to experience that feeling again.

Life during ‘normal’ times can be hard, a loss of a job, money worries, illness, stresses etc but when you through in grief it makes those highs and those lows ….well, sharper and more frightening.

It is not that ‘normal’ life is level….it is just that we learn to cheer ourselves up by going to a concert, or out with friends or treating ourselves to some shoes:)

In grief we must learn to do the same. On those days that are better, try and store up that feeling, try to put reminders of you coping around the house or in a journal. Because just life ‘normal’ life it is those memories that help us cope with the troughs of depression, the lows of loneliness and the heartache of grief.

Post from: Widows Quest