Coping with the Anniversary of Death
February 2, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Building Memorials
I know that one of our readers had an anniversary yesterday and it would be great to know how she but here are my thoughts
- Allow yourself to mourn. That may take different forms but if you want to cry then let yourself cry. We are trying to be strong and rebuild our lives and we are allowed to feel the pain of someone dying.
- I try not to be alone as much as I want to be, I know that it will cause depression so I make sure that either a close friend comes round or I visit my mum.
- When I am with people I talk about memories, I allow those memories to ‘come alive’ as a way of remembrance.
- I always wear one of his jumpers – sounds silly but allows me to feel close to him.
- I visit our special place and just sit and talk to him about our family and friends, about how I am coping, about memories that we had together….
- I do one thing that he would be proud of….he loved surprising people so I may ring someone I haven’t spoken to for a while or visit an elderly neighbour…something that brings some joy and then say “That ones for you!”
- I have put on to my iPod a collection of our favourite songs…sometimes this makes me cry but
somehow it helps as well.
How about you ? How do you spend your day?
Thanks, Anna, for posting this. I am the reader that experienced the second anniversary of my husband Michael’s death. It really wasn’t too bad. The first thing I did was crank up “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd and danced around the living room. Michael loved to see me dance, and I always associate that song with him.
The first year I was more formal in my remembrance of him. This year I spoke with his sisters and mother on the phone. They live in California. We laughed and remembered. I got support from my nieces in the form of emails.
I know this will sound corny, but the day before (on Jan. 31), I was in a store that my husband and I frequented. Over the music system, “You’re the One That I Want” — the Olivia Newton John, John Travolta song from the musical “Grease” was playing. I smiled to myself. That was one of the songs that we would sing (badly) to one another. Such a lovely memory. It felt like a message from him.
Oh Mary I can just imagine the dancing now! I have to say the way you approach these challenges is so refreshing. I love the fact that you don’t fear the day, you don’t fear the emotion, you understand it all and take control. I am not saying that you find it easy by the way, but you don’t let it bring you down….brilliant! One thing for sure you wouldn’t want to see me dancing or singing….