Do you ever feel tired of fighting the grief?
March 13, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
Grief can be emotionally tiring. This week I have been emotionally tired.
Tired of fighting the pain, tired of concentrating on the future, tired of “trying” to be happy. I seem to be dragging myself around the house, around work….everything seems like hard work. 
I have bought myself some vitamins, gone to bed earlier, allowed myself to ease off a little at work (as much as possible!) but still the body needs to be recharged.
So I am looking for your help…how do you recharge? A holiday is out at the moment because of money…so what suggestions would you make when crying seems the only option?
Grief is exhausting and it has a habit of snatching you even during times when we feel we’re coping a little better. For me my saviour is work, it keeps my mind occupied. Music is also something I’ve found works as a great distraction. Recently I added another pet to my little family, a retired greyhound. All these little things we have to keep doing so one foot can move in front of the other.
You are so right…my cats give me so much love and that wonderful feeling of being needed on those down days. I think that the tiredness is your heart saying hey look I am trying hard here….give us a break girl!
Let the grief go!!! It is so hard to do so, but you will still remember, still honor, still love your significant other. Just let it go, lean on God, say it is over. Crying can be releasing but it is also draining. Your loved one wants you to live!!
Jean – you are right. It is strange our humans find it so hard to let go of painful emotion yet forget the fantastic side of life so quickly. The key for me was knowing, really knowing how much he wanted me to be happy….he watches over me to make sure that I am still living a full life…I am sure of it
My husband has been dead for five years now and sometimes it feels just like yesterday. I look at my two boys and can’t believe what has happened. Other day I feel as normal as I can ,considering the circumstances . I don’t no what a full life is when part of it is gone.
Dear Shine,
A full life is living one day at a time, sometimes, one minute at a time. Draw strength and peace from whatever you look to for it, in my case, it is God. I need to remind myself everyday that God is ALWAYS with me, loving and hugging me throughout the day no matter how much stress I encounter. I need to learn better how to just lean on God, not my own power. With God I have survived life’s tragedies. I pray God grant you peace.
Jean
I think they are wonderful words and thoughts. The words left on this site are also a wonderful comfort for both me and others. I just want to give a big thank you for sharing, for caring enough to reach out and helping…..never underestimate how much your words help
The words I speak are the result of my life’s experiences. I was 27 when my 29 yr old fiance died. I didn’t know how to survive that event. I thought for sure that God would soon take me, as I could not fathom surviving without Jim. Little did I know, God was not ready for me to come home. Instead, he had me fall in love with a good man, Michael, only to be left by him 11 years later. What is worse, death or divorce? Both are tragedies. With divorce, I could not breathe, I did not know how to survive once again. Time, time, and more time, plus LEANING big time on God, has pulled me through to where I am happy and at peace with myself. It is only by living through the pain, not avoiding or circling around it, do we survive. Let yourself feel the pain, feel it deep in your bones, cry til you can’t cry anymore and then RELEASE. Release so you can live and your loved one can care for you from above.
I love the idea of release…as release is different from forgetting…release means that you keep the memories and move on, building on the strengths that you have found deep within yourself…thanks Jean
I feel very depressed right now and overwelmed with taking care of my children with no help. I feel like I go through cycles of this mood. Does anyone else ?
Shine – absolutely. Don’t feel alone with those feelings as we all know the feeling. The cycles of emotions is the grief cycle – what helped me was giving myself a couple of goals a day rather than thinking about how I was going to cope with the rest of my life. So the old phrase of one step at a time. What is important to you today…what do you need to do today? Write them down and at night read them and cross them off, over a few days it helps to show you that you are coping that you can do it…Being alone is awful however you are not alone we are all here to help
We all feel it, I know its a hard.
I have been in love before.
Matter of fact I am in love right now, and we are going through some hard times.
Fighting, not trusting each other.
Sometimes you don’t feel like it’s worth it, but if you really love that person than you know its worth it.
So figure it out.
Do you really love this person?
Is it just a crush that once meant something but is now fading and you don’t feel the same?
Is it problems with trust?
Sometimes it’s good to just sit down and talk with this person.
Try it out.
It gets your feelings out there, and letting them know how you feel about the situation that you are dealing with.
Also give them a chance to tell you how they feel about the situation.
Maybe they are confused, sad, maybe even scared.
Talk these things through and find out more.
This is also advise that I am taking in for myself, and trying to help my relationship.
Brittany – you are so right trust is such a big part of a strong relationship. Actually I would go so far as to say it is a must for a strong relationship. When you lose someone then the trust is all about trusting in love again, trusting that love will bring benefits and not fearing the hurt. I hope you are working through your problems – I always find if there is true love, then true love will find a way through the ups and downs of human emotions