Do you feel their spirit?
November 2, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
A wonderful comment came from Rae to the post Happy Halloween about a feeling which I have had on a couple of occasions. The feeling is that suddenly you forget that they have passed away, that you feel their presence, that you suddenly see them or sense them in the house.
I remember after about 3 months getting so mad that he wasn’t replying or coming through to the lounge when I needed some help to move the television! I had no idea that he had died, to me at that moment he was alive and even annoying (!) as he was ignoring my shouts….
I wonder why these events happen but then I suppose it is down to
- The fact you have shared your life with this special person and in that sense your hearts have almost morphed into one then their presence or your relationship with them has been as much on the sub conscious level as conscious. As it is sub conscious then it will take time for your mind to accept the physical, conscious reality?
- Habit - sounds boring but when you live with someone habits form, your life becomes habitual. Again those habits have to be replaced with new customs.
- Our desire that they are alive, or our denial that they have died is also strong. We hide away from the pain. We don’t want to believe we will never see them again…so we bring them back into our lives, for that moments respite from the pain.
When it first happened I was scared, I had to ask a friend to come round to stay. Now though, I understand that I am not going mad, that there is nothing to fear….it is just natural emotion which can occur during grief.
For me I handle it by putting on that old jumper and getting some photos out….having a few tears while talking to him. He always understands and makes me smile…..I can always hear him say…”you don’t even give me time to rest even when I have died….”
Do you have any other thoughts on why it happens?
I guess we could sometimes feel their spirit because we were once so close to them, and I would even have to go on and say that we still feel that way. These were our soulmates, we were one. My husband loved music and he would often sing or whistle alot of tunes. So I could be in my car, in the supermarket, watching t.v., at a party or anywhere that they could be playing a song that he would sing. At that moment, I may be feeling down and just to hear almost his voice singing it lifts my spirits. If I am getting dressed, and it is something that he liked I could hear his comment about it. If I am cooking and (this is something he loved to do) I picture him around the kitchen giving me tips on what will make it taste better etc., and I have to say that I have become a better cook than ever with my own ideas. He would love that. Like you said that habits have to be replaced with new customs.