Do you value you?
October 7, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life
Sometimes bereavement can affect the way you value yourself, it can make you feel less valued as your partner is no longer there telling you that they love you….
I know that if I am being truthful that I don’t really value me, I value others ALOT, actually too much as I always feel everyone is better than me in whatever way. I think that is what I miss most…that person who loves you unconditionally and sees the good in you and helps YOU see the good in YOU.
So a question for you today…Do you value who you are right now?
Do you value your strength? Do you value your greater understanding of love, of pain, of happiness? Do you value what you, yourself can give to the world? Do you value the person that your partner fell in love with?
Anna, I feel the same way as you do. I find it very hard to value myself. I look at others and marvel at the things they accomplish and never give myself credit. I really think that many people rely on their partner to make them feel good about themselves. In these last few months I have gone back and forth with my self esteem. I feel so proud of how far I have come since becoming a widow but then I have these feelings that I have not come far enough.
I think that I was with Rick for so long that we were like one and when you lose half of yourself it is natural to feel less than whole. I hope that makes sense.
I work very hard each day to find the confidence within myself to live life to its fullest. Once again, as we have all said many times before, it is two steps forward and one step back. At least it is not one step forward and two back!
I am trying very hard to value myself. I find that talking to myself helps. No, I am not off my rocker, I just mean that I need a little boost now and then and telling myself that I am worthy sometimes helps. I think if you do this often enough sooner or later you start believing it. At least I hope that’s true.
I must tell you that what you do for others on this blog is so valuable that you should be extremely proud of yourself. Widow’s Quest is one component of my recovery and I am thankful for it every day.
I agree with Leslie, this journey is havoc on your self-esteem and you are up and down sometimes within hours. Your partner was someone who would listen and boost you up if needed no matter what the circumstances and now, there is myself talking to myself..yep Leslie I do that too! I try hard to feel strong and capable but it is not everday and there are those days when I so want someone to take care of the details of life and just let me be…expect I will always have some of those days. I plan on just continueing to try and maybe eventually I will value myself as I do others, who knows? Anna you are such a support to so many of us, you are valued and I hope you know that!
Deb
To love yourself is very important. It makes you deal with life and it’s pains with ease. Know your strengths, love yourself for your strengths. But also value others, especially your partner. Life is good and feel good about your life!
I agree with you all and the bruising my self esteem took after Don died was amazing even to me. I may have known, intellectually, that my identity was wrapped up in what had been our “team” and we worked so well as a team but Don was the Front Man and I was the one who took care of the details of our life so that his efforts in the community and with organizations was made possible without hindrance. Now I just take on more functions but feel like an island in the middle of nowhere too many days . My biggest effort of each month is to travel around the country to see kids and grandchildren and I am exhausted afterwards. Although I am now older and have some mobility problems I hope to find the strength to do volunteer work in order to add more meaning to the day to day existence without Don.
It’s a good topic, I think, and it helps me. I am hard on myself, I know, and sharing with others who are on this journey, and having similar experiences, is a blessing.
Cindy, when you wrote that you often feel “like an island in the middle of nowhere” it hit home to me. It is just amazing how we all share similar feelings and find different words to express those feelings. I love this site for that and for the support we can all give to each other. Maybe you could join us for our online chat next week.
Oh gosh…I tell you you all help my self esteem with your support:) Grief is not just about losing your partner but your compass in a way. My nana once said we do all have self esteem we don’t always recognise it…or we don’t want to. I never believed her really but now I think she may be right…we can’t have got this far through life without some??
And one thing I remember every day…is we are never alone…we have the love and we have each other who will help through all the rollercoaster rides of the grief journey
Your question is so “spot on”. When my Jack died my friends in the community did amazing things to help. But I was left wondering why they were being so very good to me, until finally I said it to someone and they told me..that I, me, myself was important to the community and they loved me. Then I thought how is it that I was lucky enough to have such friends and one told me it was because that’s the kind of friend I am. It was shocking that such simple kindnesses reaped such a bountiful reward. Still, I crumble when I think of how in the world I missed some crucial clues that may have diverted Jack’s thoughts of ending his life. He was just SO strong and witty, funny, hilarious… he was my hero.
You know Sheryl….someone once said to me “be you, because everyone else is taken” and that is so true. Our loved ones fell in love with our personality, they may have left us but our personality is still there to shine. We are just used to another person loving us, we just have to learn how to love ourselves again on our own and we will xx