Feeling Out of Control
September 10, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life, Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
I
n grief there is this feeling of lacking control. Someone has taken the love of your life from you and thrown at you – money worries, loneliness, emptiness, lack of purpose, lack of energy etc
I remember feeling totally out of control and sensing that I didn’t know which way to turn. If I went out – I felt sad. If I stayed in – I felt sad. I was suddenly one, or more specifically a two minus one. You know that feeling, the sense that although you are your own human being, part of your soul is missing. A couple is not two ‘ones’ but one ‘two’ – does that make sense?
When you feel out of control there is only one way out…and that is to take control one step at a time. It can be as simple as starting to pay debts on direct debit or as complex as moving house. But even small steps give you that reassurance that you can deal with grief, that you can take back the control that life snatched from you…
The answer is in the sentence….it is a feeling of being out of control not a reality 
Anna, only those of us who have lost our other half can understand what what it is like to go through this. You, once again, have hit the nail right on the head. The out of control feeling is always there and I love the phrase “two minus one”. This is the worst feeling there is.
Now that I am in the last days before I move to my new home, the fact that I am alone looms everywhere. You pack alone and arrange all the details a move requires alone. I have never done this alone before. It is daunting and there are definitely times when I feel out of control. But, I am trying to put one foot in front of the other and deal with everything. I know that when this is all over I will feel stronger and start taking back that control that was snatched from me on that fateful day when my world came crashing down around me.
I cannot believe Leslie is commenting on the same situation I am going through now. I have been wondering how am I going to move alone. I’ve never moved or sold a house before. I am terrified. But to know she has the exact thoughts and feelings is comforting and unbelievable to me. I know fear is just a feeling and we should live in the moment, but sometimes it is very difficult for me.