Finding Yourself Again
August 27, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life
One day you are a loving spouse, the next you are on your own. One day you are one part of a couple, the next you are single. I think the hardest part is finding the real you again. Who are you? How do you find a way of thriving on your own?
- Don’t be scared of being on your own to think. Use the time to think about YOU. One tip I was given was to write the speech you would want someone to make at your funeral, then create an action plan that brings that speech to reality.
- Write down 5 of your strengths and think of how you can build your new life around them.
- Write down 3 things you have always wanted to do and didn’t have the chance. Then make a promise that you will achieve them before it is too late.
- Review what is important to you and ensure the balance of work, family and you represents the right mix of your time.
- Use social networking sites such as Facebook to find those friends that you lost touch with over the years.
- Start a new hobby – remember how my mum started to play bowls, something she had never done with Dad. She was creating new memories rather than living in a world haunted by his loss.
You can find yourself again. I can tell you that every person, during bereavement, feels as th
ough they will not cope, that they cannot or don’t want to live on. However, you as a human being was such a special person when you were single that your spouse chose you, your spouse saw an individual with wonderful qualities….this time is about remembering what made you special to your spouse and starting to remember what made you that special person that deserved to be loved so intently.
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This entry today came at just the right time for me. I am working hard to find myself again as a single person and these tips are wonderful. I love the one about what you would want people to say about you at your funeral. I’m going to write that speech and try to become the person in it. I am so grateful for this blog and to you, Anna. You have made such a difference in my life. I really don’t think I would have come as far as I have without your writings and those of others on Widows Quest.
Leslie as you know I am so grateful to hear when posts help. I am sure that you are well on the way to being that person anyway, you strike me as a person with a wonderful heart.
The speech idea really concentrates your mind on what is important to you and also helps you plan for the future…let me know if it works, will you?
Hi Anna, I read that today n it is soothing, u pointed out things i’ve not thought of since I lost my amazing, loving fiance 2 moths ago. Life has become so difficult, i think of the future n it seems so bleak. I hope someday i’ll be able to see who i am coz right now its too crazy
Imelda because of the strength this community brings I am trying to arrange a telephone call between those who want to once a month….
http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/want-to-talk-about-your-grief/
I am not sure if this will help you but just a way of providing some support
Anna,
I loved the suggestions in this post. I especially loved “this time is about remembering what made you special to your spouse and starting to remember what made you that special person that deserved to be loved so intently.”
Thank you, Anna. You help more than you’ll ever know.
Mary – your words always make me smile. I think we all need to feel needed at this time, we all need that reassurance and you and the rest of the readers are great for giving me such wonderful feedback. I think we help each other…more than we both will ever know. Maybe one day we can meet and see the friendship in our eyes…
Thanks a lot. I’ve been widowed for 5 months. As often happens after good days, I’m down today. I like the speech idea a lot.
Betsy
Betsy our pleasure this community is there for each other…through the ups and the downs….