Grief and the Little Things in Life…
October 26, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
I often say that in death you learn so much about life. Before being faced with death, you can be so wrapped up with the big things without even knowing it….
For me, grief has highlighted the importance of the little things in life …..when I say the little things, small aspects of life which have a BIG impact. It has highlighted the little things from two perspectives
- Looking back, what do I miss the most...the little things. Holding my hand when I don’t expect it, cuddling on the sofa, the smile, their warmth in bed, the laughing at the in joke….
- And now looking at my life now…what means the most to me…the little things. The friend who rings just for a natter, the card saying that I am thinking of you, the friend who remembers an anniversary, the hug on the bad day.
We can spend our lives working hard, to raise money for the big things in life…..the house, the holidays, the material things, yet when push comes to shove what really makes you happy…the little things….in our grief lets not underestimate the little things…in both giving them and receiving them.
Anna, truer words were never spoken. I miss the little things so much. My husband loved to cook and we cooked dinner together many times. I really miss that. I miss the warmth in bed as well. I think that is why I have such a hard time getting to sleep at night. Sharing a favourite TV show, discussing the day’s news and eating dinner together are some other things I miss. The big things like houses and holidays and other material things mean very little to me now. I think that is one good thing that comes from losing someone so close. It certainly gives you the right perspective. When I see people worrying about their perceived status in life or keeping up with the neighbours I just shake my head and think “if they only knew”. I would give anything to have Rick back but that can’t happen so friends and family are very important to me now and I know the meaning of good personal relationships much more than I ever did. I cherish every person close to me and never miss an opportunity to tell them how I feel.
Leslie, reading your wonderful words made me think that I miss the bad habits almost more! I think because they stood out on a day to day basis??? He always for instance left cups around the house, he was quite a tidy person yet whenever he had a drink he always put the cup down and never took it to the kitchen….now when I get up, I want a cup to be there to take down…more than ever…clearly madness is now setting in!!!
Leslie reading your letter reminds you of mu husband. He was so meticulous and tidy but he always leaves his empty cup of coffee on the dining table. I always grumbled but now that he is gone, I would always look for that empty cup of coffee. Oh God! How I miss him!
Nellie, Please keep visiting this site and contributing. I love to hear from other widows and I know everyone else here does too. We all seem to have very similar emotions and some of them only other widows or widowers could possibly understand. Anna’s postings always strike a chord with me and I am sure with everyone else. Widows’ Quest has helped me so much. I just want to encourage others to participate as much as possible. Reading Anna’s postings really help me and I have found that writing replies has also helped. It gives me an outlet to express feelings that I sometimes keep to myself because I feel others may be getting bored with hearing them. But here, we are all in the same boat, so to speak, and when I write something I usually get someone replying that they feel that way too. It is very reassuring to know that I am not alone. All the best to you today and I hope to see more of your writing here.