Grief brings loneliness but I am never alone
June 7, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
I wrote a post a while ago called P.S I miss You and in response to a comment left this week I wrote
“I feel lonely but I never feel alone”
That may sound strange, however I always feel him around me. When something happens I know or imagine what he would say to pick me up. I may be lonely because he is not physically there, but do you know….I never feel alone as I know he watches over me and I know that his love is like a warm blanket around my heart. 
I also think on the good days that you can do something about loneliness, and that matched with enduring love that ensures you are never alone, should help us face the future.
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I was just looking around and found your blog and the wonderful rainbow that I really needed to see. I lost my 17 yr old daughter in a fatal auto accident 2 weeks into he senior year in HS, which left me devastated, confused and questioning everything I had believed in my whole life.
The 1st yr I didn’t leave my house except for dr appts. My hair, lashes, fingernails all fell out and Im 5′7″ and 110 lbs. I kept my grief hidden, to myself. Then one Sunday I decided to go to Kmart, of all places, and when I went in it was a bright sunny spring day.
I must have stayed in there a couple of hours, pushing a buggy with nothing in it, crying and this stranger came up to me. She had the most pleasant features about her and she said “you haven’t lost her, as long as she is in your heart she is always there.”
I didn’t know this kind woman or how she knew my grief was over Jill, and she said I want you to ask God for a sign so that you can continue your life because she is looking down on you and your saddness breaks her heart. With that she hugged me and I never saw her again.
So I prayed with then and there in the craft isle Lord, I’ve got to have a sign, and it’s going to have to be a big one, and one that only Jill and I and you would know about. I can’t go on like this killing myself slowly and putting my parents thru the constant worry as they are greiving also.
Lord if you ever loved me and knew my heart you will give me this answer to my prayer.
As I walked out of Kmart, nothing in my hands I noticed it had came a spring rain. My eyes were blurred from a years worth of tears and something told me to turn around and look up, now I know it was the Holy Spirit leading me, so I did.
And there with the steam rising from the wet asphalt, was the biggest rainbow Ive ever seen. and the only colors it had in it was purple and pinks. Mine an Jill’s fav colors.
I felt her spirit reconnecting with mine. I knew that rainbow was meant just for me for that moment in time. And it was spactacular! I stood and watched for about 10 mins as it faded away.
I knew then that even in my lonliness that I was never alone as long as Jill lives in my heart. When something happens that’s funny and reminds me of her, I am able to laugh now and I even talk to her when the need arises.
But that rainbow was my promise from God that she is with him, she is fine, and now I have to get back to the process of living again.
Seeing your rainbow on your post came at a very good time and I happened upon it by accident. But I just wanted to say thank you for putting the rainbow there for me to find.
Love runs so very deep and even tho you can’t literally hug them, there seem to be little ways that they let us know they are right beside us.
Thank you for the Rainbow.
Jackie b’s
Jackie b
Thank you for sharing such an intimate story. Whenever I see a rainbow I will think of you. I have never had a sign, I wish that I had…I want to know that he is safe, that he is looking over me. Yet there has never been anything…it sounds strange, however I envy you ….in a good way. I keep my fingers crossed that one day I will get that sign in the meantime, it helps to know that others feel the same way….bless you
I, sit here deep in grief. My,whole family is gone even my little dog that I loved dearly. Can’t sleep. I, have absolutely no one and it is crushing me. A, terrible emptiness is my lot. I, believe in Christ but I can’t understand why all my loved ones have been taken from me. Priscilla
Priscilla – hold in there. There is no logic to why our loved ones are taken, the only logical element is that death comes to all of us. I know what you mean I lost my dear, dear cat a couple of days before my Dad died and it just felt as though I was losing all those dearest to me…as though life was punishing me in some way. What I can say is that 5 years on I have found a new contentment, I have found a way of reconciling what has no logic – the loss of your loved ones and the illogical dread of facing life on my own. Keep talking to us, keep visting as we have all been through what you are going through….it truly is about one day at a time, and being supported by people who care….and we all care here