Grief Changes You
March 7, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
Some thoughts that I wrote down this morning on grief and how it changes you. I came to the conclusion that the change can be good or bad…that is up to the widow or widower themselves to decide….
Grief changes you, but is that necessarily a bad thing? I have learned what loss is like and that has altered the way that I relate to people. I am more grateful, I am more empathetic to people’s needs. I am now more grateful for what I have in life and also grateful for the love that I have felt along the way
and in that way I think I am a better person.
Grief changes you but is that necessarily a good thing? I have learned that I fear more which can prevent me from moving on, it can prevent me from doing things, it can prevent me from finding happiness. I struggle to let the past go and struggle to let the guilt melt away.
Grief changes you but it is up to us to decide how…..grief affects you in different ways both good and bad. If we are to learn from bereavement then we have to let go of the bad and embrace the good…in that way we help the world become a better place.
I feel a bit guilty admitting this but grief has taught me FINALLY to quit sweating the small stuff, I have always been grateful and was very appreciative of what a great life and marriage I had but now I no longer dwell on the insignifigant in life. Does that make sense? It is as if I now have the knowledge that everything is fleeting and limited in time so spend what you have on what matters. That is a positive that grief has taught me, the negative is that also, that things are fleeting and that makes me a bit cautious to get too close or too involved, at eight months now that is easy for me to do, not get involved and stay on the fringe…if that continues I know it is not healthy but for now it is where I am at.
Deb
Oh Deb that SO makes sense. What used to upset me feels so trivial now. Now I focus on the most important things like love, family, friendship and living my values and not worrying about whether the kettle isn’t working. I think though it is the small things that still trigger my grief? Like when the internet doesn’t work and it makes me miss him because he would know what to do….so I can’t say the small things don’t get to me, but then I stand back and realise that no matter what I lose, it is the things that I gain that matter…x