Happy Halloween
October 31, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
There was a time just after losing my loved one that I found every celebration or festival …..what is the word, as I was going to say stupid and I don’t mean that….I found them trivial.
Not because I am against the celebration but my grief meant that I found these kind of events so difficult to deal with, and faced with that difficulty I just wanted to hide from all that….jollity!
Tonight is halloween and I have really made an effort tonight…there are spiders webs, pumpkins, Happy Halloween posters…far too many sweets and loads of lights.
I decided that tonight I would revel in those happy little faces of those children, I would watch their naive smiles that have not been touched by the ‘horrors’ of life and feed off their happiness. I decided that instead of dreading their happiness, instead of resenting these kind of family ocassions …I would embrace the idea.
I think it is easy to hide behind a door…..it is much harder to face the world but tonight I want to spread that little bit of happiness which I so crave for….now all I need is the darkness to fall which on this occassion is a good thing!
Happy Halloween to you and everyone out there, Anna. I too am looking forward to the happy little faces at the door tonight. I’ve had a hard week- had the flu and generally a feeling of sadness and longing. It was the first time I had been ill since Rick’s passing and there was nobody to care for me but me. I fell into that poor pitiful me mood. But today I am much better and am really looking forward to the Trick or Treaters. To me, children brighten up the darkest days and I am sure tonight will be no exception.
Holidays, even Halloween, are difficult and often bring on strange thoughts. One sensation I have had in the months since my husband’s death bothers me, and I have not read about it in magazines or books or on this website (though I must admit that I just newly discovered this wonderful website). My husband I were together for over 40 years. In the months since his death, I vacillate between feeling like he is still here and hasn’t really left, while also feeling like the time we spent together was but an ephemeral moment – too, too short. There’s the before, which is but a blink. There is the after, which seems like infinity. Have others experienced this as well?
Gosh yes I have felt that and although I have written about it before, I will write some thoughts down for todays post and see if you connect with them….thank you for joining in the communnity
Oh Leslie, I sure hope you are still feeling better each day and that your days of ill feeling are past. I have not been sick since Dave’s death but can appreciate your feelings, so many little things we miss as Anna pointed out the other day.
Anna, I am so glad to read a glimpse of optimism and cheer in your posts lately, am so glad to see that. I am glad also that your flu is behind you . I am very hopeful that ALL kinds of flu will stay away from me but we shall see.
Halloween has never been my favorite holiday and I was kind of dreading it but my new neighborhood is very family friendly and we had shirt-sleeve weather and it was a great night for everyone. Dave loved seeing the costumes and giving out the treats, I was okay with doing it last night, last year I think I shut off the lights and hid, so that is an improvement. I really think each day it seems easier to look ahead and that is progress.
Deb
Happy Dia de los Muertos! I hope that your Halloweens were happy. It took awhile before I could appreciate holidays again after Michael’s death. I live in a condo community, and I don’t get trick-or-treaters. Faculty and staff where I work brought their children in for trick-or-treating on Wednesday. I did get a kick out of seeing the little ones in their costumes. When Michael and I were engaged, he got his truck stolen from the apartment parking lot where I lived on Devil’s Night (the day before Halloween). The people working at the police station were dressed in costumes when we went to report the truck stolen. (It was recovered a couple days later in pretty good shape.) That night we went to my parents’ home to hand out candy to the hundreds of children that participated in their neighborhood’s Halloween. What memories!
Rae: I know what you mean about the time with your husband feeling ephemeral. We were married only 6.5 years (only the fraction of the time of your marriage), but at times it does feel like our life together was only a dream.
i’m facing halloween this year just two months after my halloween loving husband passed away. it’s hard. but i have a 7 year old daughter who loves halloween, too, and we went out trick or treating IN THE RAIN and in the process faced our sadness over my husband’s death. it did us a world of good, and i imagine christmas will be the same. glad you found the strength to face the happiness this year.
Well indeed I did enjoy the evening, and yes Deb I think I was stronger last week. I think Leslie and I are even getting into sync on flu times now as well
I think when you feel ill that strength you need to keep fighting just drains away and I think you just have to fight the infection then cope with life once you feel stronger…