He fills my mind!
December 14, 2006 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief, Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
I don’t know whether it is because of Christmas but I am finding that my mind is working overtime on memories. I 
keep reliving him dying, how I could have done more, how I miss him. Now I know I try and write in a positive way to help others but some days are harder than others. Is it Christmas…what can be causing my mind at the moment to be filled with thoughts about his death? Can anyone help? Maybe, I just have to allow my mind this time, maybe I have to see this as part of the grieving process…maybe I just have to realise that no matter how long it has been, he is still there in my heart and it is a sign of my love not my grief?
Anna,
This is my first post although I’ve been reading for a few days.
I am not a widow yet but will be in hours or days. As I sit here
watching my darling husband sleep I have a cd playing of
Christmas carols played by a Native American flutist. The only light in the room is little white lights around the bedroom window and my laptop screen.
I never knew what surreal (really) meant but I do now. My husband is dying. How can Christmas still come? But it will and life will go on. Mine will never be the same. I can’t imagine a Christmas without him but I never imagined a Christmas when I would be watching him slip away. I know from reading your post that next Christmas and every Christmas of my life I will miss him with all my heart. I hope that the love and memories you shared will ease your pain. I am so grateful to have found this site and I know I will return often in days and nights to come.
Peace,
Trish
Anna,
Last night I posted a response to your email and got the notation that it was “in moderation” I haven’t seen my post show up yet so don’t know what else to do.
Trish
Anna,
Same thing tonight, is says “your comment is awaiting moderation”.
In the meantime, thank you for your insight and compassion. Even if I can’t post, I can read and it has helped me enormously to get thru one more day in a time more difficult than I could have imagined. I hope what I learn thru this experience can help someone else in the future.
Trish