Holding Grief Can Be Warm
October 20, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
When I look back at the grief, I sometimes wonder whether why we move on slowly is because grief can feel warm. Somehow holding on to that grief, or holding the pain close can be comforting? Is that just me or do other widows or widowers feel the same?
The memories you have through your grief can feel warm, can help you feel connected with your loved one. If you take that grief away then loneliness can take a grip in your mind. What is it about grief that is warm?
- Maybe the memories?
- Maybe the connection with your loved one?
- Maybe the heartache or pain actually makes you feel alive?
- Maybe it is our last connection to them?
What we need to learn is that grief may feel warm in the short term, however if we leave that grief to reign over our emotions then our heart will not warm through and let love flow over that grief, bringing a natural warmth back to our lives. In the long term, grief will make us cold……it is love that will warm our hearts.
Anna, you always come up with entries that make me think. This one came , once again, at just the right time. I have had a few very bad days lately.
Even though I keep busy with daily chores and involvement with my grandchildren’s sports and other activities the grief is always with me. I was thinking yesterday that it is like only half of me is left. Just when I am thoroughly enjoying my nine year old grandson skate down the ice and score at a hockey game, I begin to feel guilty about enjoying myself. Then the grief sets in again. I feel so alone with this grief because I don’t think anyone would understand if I told them. I also don’t want to trouble my children with these feelings.
After reading your entry for today I really think it is a way of holding on and connecting with my husband. I hope time will help with this grief. It would be wonderful to be able to go to bed and sleep well at night, to visit with friends, to enjoy my family without that feeling in the pit of my stomach that I am not a whole person. I look forward to the day that this grief subsides and I can feel love warming my heart.
Leslie, you know that day will come….I promise. I was thinking that as much as grief eats us up, it also provides that comfort….so maybe subconsciously we don’t want to let go…not sure if that is right but I think sometime holding on to my grief is less frightening then letting it go and facing that new future.
I promise that you are a whole person, you were before you met your loved one and you are now….we lived before and we will live again….together, eh!