How work can help the grieving process
September 17, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
Work was difficult for me at the time of my loss. Work seemed insignificant. Work seemed trivial and pointless. This was from a person who if she is being honest, was a workaholic. I think I blamed work – and not me! – for taking too much time away from my loved ones. When in reality it had been my choice and those who loved me knew how work was important to me. It helped me define who I was…somehow.
So I was interested earlier this month to read about how work – in this case football – had helped Jermaine Defoe cope with the loss of his half brother. He said
“When you are playing, it is the only place you get away from everything. The reason why you play, get on with it and do so well is because that’s where you get your peace.”
I think work can be very useful to help cope with bereavement as long as you don’t use it to mask your pain. If you use it as an escape yet be honest outside of work and allow the pain to come out, then I think that is healthy.
Was work an escape or a trauma for you?
For me, my job was a lifesaver. Michael died at home while I was at work. Sometimes I thought I might have gone back to work too soon (2 days after his funeral). For 8 hours a day, my attention was diverted from the overwhelming grief in the early days. I work in a university library, so I am surrounded by young people who are embracing the future. My co-workers have been very supportive. When other widows at the university heard of my loss, they offered hugs and encouragement. I really didn’t feel alone until I would walk through the door, and Michael was not there to greet me. Only then would the floodgates open. Home has always been the safest place to release my emotions, to ride them out until I could regain my equilibrium. Now it’s the place where I’m beginning the process of opening up my heart to new love and adventures.