I Miss You, Dad
November 5, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Bereavement and Children
It is 5 years today that Dad took his final bow from this world. A world that he graced so well. There is not a day goes by without me thinking of him, wishing that I had spent more time with him, asking myself how could I have been a better daughter….all the kind of thoughts, grief riddles your brain with, during the bereavement process.Many of you know that I run a podcast and blog in Dad’s honor called The Engaging Brand. He would have been so proud as this year it was nominated for the Best Business Podcast award. Though it will not win as it is up against major shows, he would have been proud for 2 main reasons
- That the podcast is about helping others, helping them find their potential. He believed so much in people, he believed that life was like a treasure hunt….a treasure hunt in which you spend each day looking and finding the good in others
- And also that by doing this in my spare time, to keep his legacy alive…his maverick daughter had finally found a way of showing her love for him!
Dad I miss you more than any words can say, I am looking after mum every day just like I promised, but you know this
world is just not the same without you……..sleep well in the thought that we carry you in our hearts each day and that we are continuing that treasure hunt in your wonderful name. Love you xxx
[istockphoto]
Dear Anna,
Hugs to you on this memorable day. I know your father was (and would still be) proud of you for what you’ve accomplished and your devotion to your mother. It sounds like you came from a very loving family.
Take care,
Mary
Oh Mary yesterday felt so weird. Your hug helps a daughter come to terms with the fact that she still has so many regrets….yes he knew I loved him, yes he was proud of me, yes he was proud of all that I achieved…but in achieving all that, I sacrificed time with the man who will always be my inspiration. I can never forgive myself for that, which is why keeping his legacy alive is so important to me – and looking after my mum. I know she loves my company as I am remind her of Dad – she thinks I am his double.
Oh Mary why do we have to have hindsight afterwards!!!!
Still lets wipe the tears away this morning and focus back on living the values each day that wonderful man taught me
Anna, I can appreciate how you feel. We all have regrets. I was quite temperamental as a child, and my parents had their hands full with 7 kids. When I hit my 20s I tried to make up for my horrid teenage years. I became the devoted daughter (even moving back to Michigan to help care for them in the last 6 years of their lives). My mother seemed to have amnesia when I reminded her of the old days and my old ways. How kind of her. In my mind, whatever I did for them never seemed enough.
It’s easy to say, “don’t beat yourself up.” But I know we all do it. The time you have with your mother now is so precious. The fact that you’re your father’s double is a gift.
Hugs,
Mary
Mary that means a lot because you tend to watch TV and see perfect families and think that you are the worst person on earth because you didn’t have perfect relationships. I think it has affected the way I am in personal relationships, if truth be told I don’t think that I derserve to be loved…
Why am I writing this on the internet!!! That is how close I feel to you all….we need a coffee morning
Did it affect you?
Anna,
In answer to your question, “did it affect me?” I think it did to some extent. When people tell me how kind and compassionate I am, I tend to discount it. I still must carry that picture of my self as a self-centered brat. Maybe I need to do a ritual and burn up that old image.
My marriage to Michael showed me that I am deserving of love. My family and friends have always loved me. I bask in it.
Hugs,
Mary
Hi! I lost my dad also 5 years ago. I miss him so much and I know exactly how you feel. I’m sure your dad is so proud of you. You’ve got a lot of things to share, just keep on writing and helping other people. God Bless!
Hi, I lost my dad a week ago today and mom three months ago. I have tried to forgive myself for being a mess for years, I know my parents forgave me. My sister really resents me I think because I moved in with our parents and helped them the best I could for 6 years. She doesn’t want a service and I need one. Am I being selfish?
Dear Charlotte,
You have my sincere sympathy in the loss of your parents. I know how tough it is to lose one’s parents so close together. My parents died 40 days apart. First, my dad…then my mom. My siblings and I were in a fog during our mother’s funeral. It was something we all agreed upon, even though it was painful.
Do you have other siblings besides your sister? A neutral party who could talk to you both to weigh the pros and cons? I can see your sister’s feelings about not wanting to have a service. It’s very draining emotionally and physically. That might be her primary reason for not wanting the service.
Your desire/need to have a memorial for your father is not being selfish. It helps with the grief process. Could you have an informal memorial service for your father later in the year? It could be more of a celebration of his life and love. Maybe that would be a compromise for you both. It would give you some time to come up with a special tribute for him, too.
Hugs,
Mary