If I can find a way….
April 16, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life
If I can take each moment at a time, then I will learn to face the world
If I can stop trying to ask why, then maybe I can accept there is no reason why
If I can love once then I can love again
If my heart and soul has got through the pain of loss, then they can face the world whatever
If I can find a way of sleeping, then my body can return to living
If I can find a way of accepting death, then I will start to enjoy life
If I let go does that mean I am uncaring?
If I don’t let go does that mean I am insane?
If I could have just one more second…it just wouldn’t be enough
Anna if you find a way to do these things…let me know okay? Has just been a tough week and seeing the world in any positive light at times is very difficult, Spring is a wonderful thing but brings many memories of our “last” Spring and the beginning of the pain and the end, amidst all the new beginnings. I am lucky that it has not caused me to turn off my faith and at times that has been the only crutch I have. I have found a way to accept death but it has not led me to living..just existing, the confidence of “belonging” and someone loving me wholeheartedly has left completely and I find myself wandering, wondering why am I here??? I am grateful you have found a purpose and that it is to help those of us who are following this path whereever it leads us, you are a beacon in the darkness many days and I thank you for that!
Deb
I. too have wondered why I am here and have experienced the feeling of merely existing, Deb.
Last year at this time my husband was entering the last six weeks of his life. I knew he wasn’t going to make it but I had no idea it would be so soon. Sheer determination has taken me this far and my feelings of merely existing are fading with each day. But as they fade I have a guilt that I am not honouring my husband as I should. The line you wrote, Anna “If I let go does that mean I’m uncaring?” seems to sum up how I am feeling. My head tells me that is absurd but my heart says something entirely different. I am looking forward to the day that my head and heart are in complete agreement. Until then, I will keep on keeping on and look forward to better days ahead.
Oh gosh I think I need to pull my finger out and get us all together on that phone call….we need to pull together. What would next Sunday sound like to you both? And what time of the day (plus what time zones are you in?)
I constantly have this pull and push about letting go…and then I even wonder what I am letting go of….it won’t be the love so is it some subconscious hope that he will come back? Is it loyalty because I can still be loyal…I just don’t know what it is…
I just wonder whether your head and heart are even aligned…I mean when you fall in love they are all over the place as well
Maybe it is about accepting that dissonance as a good thing…it is that which caused the feeling of giddy love, it is that which made you do mad things….
Not sure if any of that makes sense…but no change there then!
Anna, the phone call sounds good to me. I would make myself available anytime next Sunday. I live in Ontario, Canada. I am in the Eastern Time Zone and right now on daylight savings time. I think that’s 6 hours behind you in England.
Thank you for this. I thought I was all alone. Now I know I’m not. So glad I found this site.
Well I am in Omaha, NE and on Central Daylight time, not sure but i think I am one hour behind you Leslie (I have been scheduling a trip to Toronto or Nova Scotia for the 4th…my first sadversary). I have not downloaded SKYPE yet, guess I need to do that. At this moment no plans at all for Sunday
Deb
Stephanie – no one is ever alone whilst Widows Quest is alive. the people like Deb, Leslie and many others are here always…understanding and supporting