This year has been….well, interesting! I have found myself in very reflective mood over the last few days. I realise that as widows and widowers we can become far too self critical and hold ourselves to either too high standards or feel guilty for life events. By life events I mean that ….well, life – or death – happens….it is not in our control. We can end up beating ourselves silly over

• What we could have done
• What we could have said
• What we could have been to others

…yet in reality we were, we said and we did out of our best intentions. Reflection can be good for the soul BUT only if we balance our thinking with the realisation that we are only human. If we did our best then that is all we could have asked for…

The holiday season makes us think deeply about those we have lost, that is good – it means that they are still with us. However, in that reflection remember that the past is the past, that we cannot change the past, only the future. We may miss them more each day, but they loved us for who we were…..and we were imperfect. Humans are imperfect. In fact our true greatness lies in that imperfection.

The holiday season is a chance to stop giving ourselves further pain by wishing for things that cannot happen, instead lets look to the future and be better people for having the experience of having loved. We will never be perfect, we cannot change the past but we can change our outlook towards a brighter future.

I shed a tear at a comment left by Leslie to One Step Forward, she said
“Facing the fear and the future is inevitable if you want to progress and I know you will do that. My daughter gets really upset when she sees me in a depressed state but I tell her that it’s okay because at least I am feeling something.”
It struck me that over Christmas we will feel the pain of loss greater than ever….for instance the 27th would have been my Nana’s 100th birthday and the 26th Mum and Dad’s 50th wedding anniversary….both days that will add …read more

For all widows and widowers, grief is a journey. Here are this weeks articles to give us fuel to drive us through the dark days of bereavement

Dawn Abraham Life Coach presents Power of positive thinking posted at Qualified Life Coach.Com, saying, “Does it sound simple? The power of positive thinking?”
Anna presents How to stay younger and feel brighter posted at The Engaging Brand

Aparna presents Bhramari Pranayam posted at Beauty and Personal Grooming, saying, “It is supposed to create a soothing effect on the nervous system and culturing the voice. It is known to work in relieving stress, reducing anger, anxiety, …read more

Some thoughts I had on grief and on widowhood
I start to smile and start to think
That I am moving forward from the brink
Then something small happens to me
And that step forward I can no longer see
My belief that was shaky starts to drain
As the demons rear their heads inside my brain
One step forward and then two back for eternity
Yes, I know this is what grief will continue to be
A rollercoaster ride of emotions for the rest of my life
Now that I am a widow and not somebodies wife
I will hold on strong and keeping taking that stride
Knowing that he will …read more

As we face the weekend I came across this inspirational poem by Fion Lim which I thought may help us with the often lonely weekend. Enjoy
Past, Present, Future
Don’t get stuck in the past,
Where you linger on and on in familiarity,
And replay old memories over and over again.
Don’t overindulge in the future,
Where you daydream about leading a grand life endlessly,
And imagine the sweetest days you could ever live.
Don’t neglect your present,
Where true life begins to unfold and pass you by silently,
And you wonder about missed opportunities and lost moments.
For lessons, quietly contemplate about your past,
And you might realize life has cleverly …read more

Grief can breed guilt and guilt can mean that you shut your heart out to finding new love. As much as we think that we will never love anyone else as much, we should never block our heart from the chance of finding love again. Why? Because our heart needs love and as Cher famously one said
“If grass can grow through cement, love can find you at every time in your life.”
Now I am not saying that we must find love, I honestly believe that if it is meant to be then love will find you. What I AM saying …read more

We talk each day and yet have you thought about how we take the human voice for granted?
When someone dies, you miss their voice….you still have their love….yet one thing I miss the most is their voice.
I know when I was Nana last month, because she had a stroke she could no longer speak…she could see, she could occassionally squeeze our hands…but she couldn’t convey how she felt. I wanted to know whether she was scared, I wanted to know whether she knew how loved she was…and yet she had lost the power of her voice. And in that silence …read more

We are facing the end of a year which grief has in many ways affected our lives….so I have been thinking of how we need to change our self talk

I can …rather than I can’t..
I will… rather than I will never
I can cope…
I enjoy living…rather than I feel guilty living
I will do it today…rather than I will think about it tomorrow
I feel grateful for having them in my life…rather than I hate the fact they are gone
I feel proud of the way I…..rather than why can’t I…..
Can’t wait for 2010, it will be a new start…rather than when will 2009 …read more

Here are this weeks articles to help you cope with your grief and move through the loneliness and depression that bereavement can cause to a happier life

Adam presents Stages of Grief posted at ZenTactics – Child Abuse Recovery, saying, “Sorry for your loss…Here is an article on the stages of grief…”

Kathleen Gaga presents Daily Awareness: Your best thinking got you where you are at…. so what do you think about that? posted at Daily Awareness, saying, “It is in the day by day choices our life is created. It is in the day by day choices, our happiness unfolds. It …read more

There is such an overwhelming urge with bereavement to shut yourself away from the world. You don’t want to

Face the world without your loved one
Face the world who feel uncomfortable knowing what to say to you
Face the problems of others that seem “trivial” to you at this time
Not grieve. You want to be free to think about them, to weep for their loss.

But we know that loneliness will only make us feel worse. Some time alone I think is good just to come to terms but when you start rejecting the world, invitations on a regular basis – and even …read more