Lessons in grief from the frosty mornings
December 17, 2007 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
Oh it has been cold these last few weeks, really cold with severe frosts. I look at the lawn and see it covered in white, and it made me think of our grief. Grief bites, bereavement leaves you feeling cold to the world, to the warmth of others around you.
F=Frost covers the beauty of the lawn…however, the lawn remains just hidden from view.
R= Realise that our grief is like that frost, it feels cold, it feels harsh but underneath we are still as beautiful.
O= Once the air warms the frost disappears….we have to find that warmth again by opening our heart to others.
S= Size of the crystals vary…just like the way our reaction varies from individual to individual. There is no right size crystal, there is no right size grief.
T=Translucent. The crystals allow the light through….I think this is so important in our grief. There is nothing wrong in letting people see the emotion, see the pain inside and allowing them help you cope through the bereavement.
Not alot to say here , I had a wonderful woman who loved me till her death as I did her , we shared 34 years together and no it was not all roses but we were commited to each other and there was love for sure that bonded us.
I feel a blessed man to have had a woman like her and even though she is gone now she remains always with me as a part of me.
I seem to have gotten over the worst part of losing her emotionally but a part of me is gone forever and I carry on with my life but a changed man ‘ that feeling of being loved and cared about was nice but now I simply go through the motions of life with no sense of purpose.
All her clothes still in the closet , her things all around me and I know I shall have to clear them out eventually but for now they comfort me and they shall remain there until I decide they need to go.
I have never lived alone before so that was a kind of extra kick in the guts for me but hey life goes on with you or without you .
Dennis, I just want you to know that all of us here understand completely what you are going through. I so understand that feeling of life with no sense of purpose. I don’t know if you have family (children, grandchildren,etc.) but that is what gives my life purpose. I never lived alone either and was married 43 years. We were high school sweethearts and married when I was 18. Now, a little over a year after my husband’s death, I am leaving the family home of 32 years and moving to a condo. I have some times when I feel very nostalgic about leaving but I know it is the best thing for me. I never thought I would see this day that I felt confident enough to make such a big move but every day I feel stronger. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know it life will look brighter and you will feel stronger.
Yes, a part of you is gone forever, but you, as all of us, is lucky to have had a love like that and it has made you the man you are today. Try to open up your heart and accept help from those of us who have been right where you are. I promise you that life will get better.
Dennis it is so wonderful for you to stop by, I understand your feelings and as much as we can all write how we understand, that will never ease the pain. What I can say is that find comfort whichever way suits you, don’t worry about what others say as we all grieve in our own way. I think the other thing is to keep talking to us, keep allowing those emotions out, I kept my emotions in for far too long and that hindered my recovery. If you don’t feel like speaking to friends then write here as we will all help you get through…xx