Lessons Learned

Three years ago this winter, I came as close as I ever care to come to widowhood, and it has forever changed me. I was 36, and Marshall and I were approaching our second anniversary (and 5th year of being together). In August, I was cutting his hair, which I do every month (like it or not), and a few days after that, he had a small pimple come up on the back of his neck. I noticed it, but it wasn’t until a few days after that that I noticed that it was getting larger and larger. I finally convinced him to go to the doctor when it was getting close to the size of a ping pong ball. Over the next few weeks, he went on a couple of different rounds of antibiotics, and it finally went away.

Somewhere around mid October, he started having back pain. Over the course of a few days, it went from just the normal I-am-40-and-can’t-do-what-I-used-to kind of pain, to excruciating, immobilizing pain. When he started vomiting in the middle of the night, we decided it was time to go to the ER. To make a very long story very short, Marshall’s little ingrown hair was MRSA (Methicillin resistant Staphylococcus aureus) and had infected the epidural space of his spinal column, with abcesses from the top all of the way to the bottom of his spine, and the infection had moved into his blood. His organs were starting to shut down. He spent 14 days in ICU, on a ventilator, in a drug induced coma that we weren’t at all sure he would come out of. I prayed and prayed and prayed and studied about his illness online when I wasn’t able to be by his side, and slept the bare minimum amount of sleep that I had to to function. For a while, the best case scenario we were given was that he would be left a paraplegic. Miraculously, after 31 days of hospitalization, and another year of tender loving care (and super potent antibiotics), he is fully recovered, with only minimal neurological effects remaining.

I learned a lot about MRSA during his hospitalization and recovery, and I learned even more about people. I learned that I have the kind of love for my husband that lasts a lifetime, that marrying him was the absolute right thing to do. I learned that indeed you do have fair-weather friends (and relatives!) – and it is good to know who those people are who really are there for you when times get tough – be sure and honor those people – they are few and far between. I learned how fleeting life is. Marshall was the strongest person I had ever known, in mind, body and soul – and to see a man like him taken down by a microscopic bacteria was incredibly eye opening. And I learned a lot about myself. I am stronger than I thought I was, and more vulnerable than I ever thought possible.

The effects of going through that illness with my husband were lifelong lessons, that looking back, were very good to learn. I have gained useful knowledge and experience that few of my other friends have, and I hope it will make me a better friend and person. I can no longer watch horror movies (which used to be my favorite!) – the potential horrors that real life has to offer are scary enough for me. This holiday, and every day, I am truely so thankful for my husband and my terrific family, my health, their health, and our happiness. My heart goes out to all of those who have experienced these losses in life, and I always pray that those who are left on Earth can find the strength to go on. I honestly don’t know how they do it sometimes.

Best wishes to Anna, my prayers are with her to have a speedy and full recovery. She is a very valued member of b5media, and we love and appreciate her so very much.

Christina Jones

Tags: mrsa, Methicillin resistant Staphylococcus aureus, antibiotics, intensive care, critical care, near death