Let Go of the Guilt
September 6, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life
During the bereavement process, guilt is one of the ugly emotions that causes the pain and stops you from moving forward. Three which I have felt
- Guilt maybe about not being the perfect wife or husband
- Guilt of moving forward
- Guilt of not coping
But we must let go of the guilt because
- There is nothing we can do about the past. No matter how much we regret or relive the moments we cannot change what has happened.
- Moving forward is not about forgetting the past, it is about accepting the past and thinking towards the future. By not moving forward we won’t bring them back, and remember punishing ourselves will only keep the hurt.
- Grief is a huge emotion, we will learn to cope but that will come with time. We all learn to cope at different rates and whether you are a fast or slower learner…then both are OK.
Guilt can fester at our soul, and the only positive way of dealing with it is to think about what you want to change for the future so that you won’t have any regrets again.
Thanks for your wise words, Anna. I find that guilt creeps in a lot in this process. Sometimes I don’t think I should be happy about moving into my condo and starting my new life. I think that being happy about it is disrespecting Rick’s memory but I know in my head that this is absurd. However, it’s my heart that keeps telling me this. As soon as I can get my heart and my head in sync I will be fine. Every once in a while there is something that you wrote that is so apropos to my feelings that I print it out to keep with me. I think today’s entry might be just one of those.
Leslie I think that you do brilliantly, you know you are the unoffical saint of widows quest
I think as humans we are born to feel guilty about some things all of our life, the trick is to override those feelings with ones from the head which has the more rational feel. From everything you have said about Rick he would be cheering you on, proud of how you have coped….as much as we are…