Comments on: Let’s Stay Real to Our Love

By: anna

anna — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 17:30:35 +0000

You see though we are from different worlds, different continents doesn’t it just further prove that grief is universal no matter how personal it feels

By: Jessica

Jessica — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:58:46 +0000

I liked your phrasing, “However, he was perfect for me.” And I think that’s how I view our relationship, too. And I like Mary’s take, that “The first weeks after he died, he was a saint”. I think we all have a tendency to lean that way, as tho’ to think or speak otherwise, would besmirch their memories. And of course we all know that no one is perfect, WAS perfect.

By: Amy Jussel

Amy Jussel — Sat, 25 Oct 2008 16:21:05 +0000

I find that ‘revisionist history’ takes place even among those who have never experienced a loss. It’s our body/mind trying to protect ourselves in many ways. I’ve interviewed a lot of POWs and MIA wives and it’s a consistent theory, though it often breaks loose (permanently!) when reality strikes and loved ones resurface/return home. Have you read the book “The Survivor Personality?” It’s a fascinating peek into why/how some people can surf through crisis after crisis while others crumble. Fascinating.

By: anna

anna — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:57:03 +0000

Mary – I agree, I think in this situation it is better to remember the man she wished he was, rather than the man he was….otherwise the pain of grief will be doubled with a pain of reliving the memory. I agree we all look through rose tinted and there is nothing wrong with that….I hope that like you we learn to remember them as they were over time…after all it was the warts and all that made me love him!

By: Mary

Mary — Thu, 23 Oct 2008 23:45:22 +0000

Hi Anna,
You know I have often spoken glowingly of Michael, and he was a dear man. The first weeks after he died, he was a saint. I knew it wasn’t realistic, but I think it cushioned the blow. Remembering the love, remembering the goodness comforted me immensely. Was this woman newly widowed? I think reality will set in soon enough. Then she can face some of the truth of her relationship.