Loneliness – Even in a Crowd
July 9, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
Loneliness – Fact or Feeling was a post I wrote at the weekend. There were some wonderful comments and one comment from Leslie who said
” I declined today. I know she doesn’t understand but I find that sometimes I feel lonelier in a crowd than by myself”
Isn’t that so true! Loneliness is not about the presence of other people it is about the love of other people? Maybe though we have to recognise that being alone may feel more comfortable however in the long run it will not take away the loneliness.
By putting ourselves in front of people, we may feel even more lonely but in the long run we will find people that we do share interests, that do make us smile. 
In grief we have to give ourselves space to grieve but balance that with the uncomfortable truth that life does go on and that we need to work through the pain of feeling lonely in a crowd.
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Thanks so much for your advice about working through being lonely in a crowd. Every day I am learning something new about this new life I’ve been handed. I’m trying very hard to work through everything. The one thing that keeps me going is faith in myself. I know I can do this.
Leslie – absolutely. As I often say, before we fell in love you were you….we fall in love and 2 become 1….now as death parts us….we must remember we have lost our partner not ourselves.
One thing I now do in a crowd is see it not as having to mix, but I give myself a target of finding out 3 things about other people…like a game, which encourages me to talk. I smile as I walk away as they think I am lovely for asking and I am doing it not to feel lonely!
I agree…everything is different. I am no longer a couple or a single person. It is a very lost feeling…and the loneliness is always there.
Funny how we are single but we don’t feel single…wonder whether that is because we don’t feel free?
I sometimes feel absolutely deadly lonely, particularly when facing the weekend. I am so totally alone, it’s painful to think about. I am trying to get used to it and am convinced it was meant to be, and that I have been being prepared for this my whole life. I have always felt alone inside in some way.
Lizan – I am glad you told us. First of all everyone at this site is suffering from a similar loneliness so we understand. In many ways talking to each other at this site fills that void, you know the one , the one that is only filled by people who understand. So the first thing to say is that you are not alone at Widows Quest. The second, I know the feeling of wondering if loneliness was meant to be just part of your life, I have just posted a few thoughts for you on that at http://www.widowsquest.com/dont-let-loneliness-win/ hope they help.
In the meantime you are not alone, there are friends here to talk to
Lizan,
I know what you mean. In February it will be two years since I lost my husband. I have a job that keeps me busy Sunday through Thursday. Fridays are days that I run errands and wind down from the week. But Saturday is the hard one. The house really feels lonely on that day. I fill it with music and spend way too much time on the computer. But I’ve found support and understanding through the folks at this site and others. About a month or so ago, I spoke with a friend who’d lost his partner in 1991. I told him ( and he really understood) that as lonely as I was at times, I really wasn’t ready for another relationship. It would mean putting the pictures of Michael away. It would mean taking the wedding ring off of my right hand. Until I’m able to do those things, I give my love and support to friends and family. It is enough for now.
Hugs,
Mary
And there I am reading your comment on a Sunday….you see reading a blog post a day, keeps the loneliness away….