Love is a risk…
August 2, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Affirmations of Life
I was watching an old episode of Judging Amy last night and was struck by words from the wonderful Maxine, played by Tyne Daly, who had just lost her partner. She said as I remember something like…
“Love is a risk. When I heard of his death I became angry, the grief made me say and do things that were wrong. I’ve decided not to carry on without him……I’ve decided to go on with him and become the person he believed I could be”
It struck me because we often say we cannot carry one, and that is maybe true…because we cannot carry on being the 
same person.
We were defined by being the partner of our loved one, their death means that the person we were is no longer possible. Maybe what we need to see our future not lies in being who we were but the person that grief has created. A single person with the knowledge of love and the ability to use that love to grow and make the world a better place….
Who do you want to become?
I have known my late husband since high school. We were married when I was 18 and I am now 62. So I guess you can say I don’t remember not being with him. He was an honest, caring loving and very funny person. We had a wonderful life with 3 children and now 7 grandchildren. These last few months have been very difficult but I know I can do this.
There are parts of me that I don’t even know yet. I want to spend time getting to know myself, if that makes any sense. I have to find out who I am and what I want to do with the rest of my life. I m looking to the future with hope and anticipation. I know that my husband would be very proud of me and the person I hope to become. I hope that doesn’t sound too sappy because I feel this sincerely.
Leslie – that is so inspiring. I never know whether it is harder losing someone you have spent decades with, or someone who you have only had a few years to love. On one hand you have shared a life, yet have no real knowing of who you are as a single person…on the other, you are more likely to know yourself as a single person but regret not sharing your life? If that makes sense…
I love your comments because I know people who have been childhood sweethearts and when their partner has died, they are then just waiting to die, to go and join them. You seem to have found an inner strength that is fantastic…what is your secret? I know you say it is about your husband would be proud of who you become…but what caused the trigger to think like that…I would love to know. In the meantime, I am proud too of your strength and inspired by your story
Anna, I don’t know where this strength is coming from other than I believe in myself. I also draw from the great strength my husband showed during his illness. He was a strong and courageous man who fought until the end but kept his sense of humour throughout the ordeal. He lived his entire life that way and together we soldiered on through whatever life threw at us.
Also, my family and friends have been wonderful and I allow them to help rather than shutting them out.
Thank you for the vote of confidence. I want everyone reading this to know that this blog has given me great support and helps me to find that inner strength.
Leslie – my whole aim of writing this blog is that we feed off each other. We all need strength…in fact that strength is inside we just need to draw it out, together we can do that for each other.
I love hearing how people have found that strength, stories like yours give me such inspiration. It just shows how important other people are, it is no good staying insular…we need the love of others…thank you Leslie