My 10 Tips on Coping with Grief
March 28, 2007 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
I posted yesterday about an e-mail I got from someone who is really hurting and I would like to thank people for the great comments. I though I would post my tips on coping with grief
- Give yourself an aim for each day – write down things that you are going to do and do them no matter how hard.
- Make sure you eat healthily – your body needs fuel to cope with the grief
- Exercise – I go for a 30 minute walk and get my heart working for the day
- Think of one dream that you have always had….and make it happen
- A memorial was important for me to bring closure. Once finished I knew that I could not bring him back, I will never forget but I knew on the completion that I had to let go of the regrets, the “if only”, the why did this happen. This sounds awful – but it has, you cannot change the past, you can only change the future.
- I started to look after myself – I am dieting at the moment on Middle Age Shed and have lost 32lbs! Why not join me and my friend, the diet has given me a focus again in my life- just respecting myself and has made me feel better. I throw out tatty clothes and went and got some more – mainly from charity shops but they are great.
- Talk – I am quite shy about my feelings, a bit of a closed book – but I forced myself to talk about how I was feeling but more importantly what I was going to do about it.
- If money is short – turn it round in your head from being a problem to a challenge. I know this makes it sound easy and for me it wasn’t but I challenged myself to earn a little more each month. I did cleaning for neighbours, sold CD’s on Amazon, washed cars whilst I found a better job….ok the pride initially took a hit but I am proud of the fact that I have worked my way out of trouble.
- Write down each night something that you have achieved….3 positives.And keep adding to the list. My first ones were I survived, I got up…..but they steadly grew.
- Vanilla candles and peppermint. Both help serotonin in the brain and improve positive thinking.
Overall, remember you are not alone. Remember there are others out there who are hurting and who are role models that you can use for motivation. You can do it, I am not there yet but hey I am 100% better than I was……just never give up.
How I wish I had had this list after 9/11. It took me 2 years just to write down and committing to doing at least one activity on a consistent basis.
And if you knew before then you would not think that level of alteration was possible. Heck, if you had said to me that level of grief was possible I wouldn’t have believed it to be so. But after experiencing multiple simultaneous deaths in the prime of my loved ones lives, I know see how it can happen to anyone.
I must say, I’m truly glad you’re here, giving encouragement, support and guidance in a very loving and gentle way to readers and visitors alike.
Thank you for the kind words – as I said in the post today it helps me writing the blog but it is great when I hear from people who says it brings value to their life
Your tips on coping with grief are great! My youngest son passed away two years ago unexpectedly, and I learned first hand how deep the pain can cut. With faith and prayer, the daily throbbing pain stopped. With time to reflect, I have learned that grief – no matter the source – has some common ground. The intensity may differ and the time to heal may differ. In looking back, I realize that the steps and process of grief and healing I faced with my son’s death are very similar to the emotions associated with two previous downsizings, the death of a pet, divorce, betrayal by a family member, and loss of self-esteem as the victim of domestic abuse. I just started a web site (my first attempt) focusing on loss with the current primary focus on job loss. I would love to have you visit http://www/recoverfromloss.com
Keep up the good work you are doing.
Mel
Good tip! Grief is such a difficult thing to deal with. It is amazing what grief and death can do to people and family functioning. As a nurse, I have seen the affects and as a person I have experienced it with the loss of my mother and brother. They were both very young, my mom 43 and my brother 22, and passed within two years of each other. Its difficult for individuals and families to cope with.
Sheila at
http://www.hubpages.com/hub/soulful
http://www.hubpages.com/profile/SheMis