Never Give Up on Hope…
December 5, 2008 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
I received a heart wrenching email yesterday, from a reader who just couldn’t face the world. She finished the email saying that I couldn’t know how she felt…..
That is true, none of us can know how someone else is feeling. However, I believe that hope is much better than despair. Let me tell you a true story.
Her heart was breaking, her grief was overwhelming her. She couldn’t face life without him. She spent a week tidying her house, setting her finances straight, seeing her friends….then went and bought her tablets and her drink which was finally going to make her happy…and take her to him. She drove into the countryside and swallowed quickly, she couldn’t wait to get to him. As she saw the sky disappear she suddenly realised that she was going to die….she suddenly realised how much she really did value life. Was it too late?
Fortunately a stranger came by that car and she was rushed to hospital….she recovered slowly and as she strengthened she realised how precious life was, how she didn’t want to die, she just had to learn how to live again. She didn’t know how, but one thing she did know was that she had been given a second chance and she was going to find a way…..not a day has gone by without her thinking
- How much she misses him
- How much she loves her family and friends
- And, how much she values life
So when you think there is no hope, just remember that if we give in there is no hope……however, if we continue to fight there is always hope.
How do I know all this to be true, how do I know that living is a gift….well, the person above was me. I know the feeling but 
I tell you, not one day goes by that I am not grateful to that stranger…..even when my heart is breaking and I feel like giving up.
If you are that lonely, that depressed then tell us all, let us all be there for you….. just like that stranger was for me….
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There is always hope, sometimes it is difficult to find, but if you look hard enough it will be there. Time is a great healer.
My heart goes out to your correspondent who is living with such despair. She should know that there are people all around the world thinking of her today and walking beside her in their own grief. My hope for her today is that she might find one tiny moment, a sliver of a crack in that blackness to take one breath, to find one moment of peace, that in time might expand into a few moments of blissful peace.
The grief is our contact with our lost loved one. In time, my hope is that it might turn into a gratitude for those years together, for the life enhancing companionship. And that is my hope for all of us sharing this time, that gradually we can allow a transformation into hope and a joy of just being ourselves…and alive. Thank you Anna for your story.
Maggie – it is strange I have never told that story, many of my friends and even close family do not know about it. I felt compelled to write to show her that we do have some understanding of how she feels and that we are all living proof that although life has changed, although life is different there is still plenty to live for…..I have emailed her with more personal reflections and I can only hope that we can see her through the darkness….
Sometimes you just need someone to care, care that you do carry on fighting and through their care…you learn to care about yourself, for yourself
How terrible to feel so helpless and alone, this makes me feel so grateful for my faith and my “grit” to go on. I sincerely hope that all widows that read this know that there are those who care, they may not have even met them yet and they maybe part of their future. I am only five months out but from very early on I saw the sadness in my five-year old nephew when he remembered my husband and I decided I did not want to cause that kind of sadness if given a choice and have tried to stay positive and forward looking, in public! I do feel hopeful but I also am realistic enough to know that much of my ache and sorrow I do not share but save for my “me” time, which I seem to have more of now. I guess being an optimist all my life is a blessing at this stage of my life! Anna, I know it must have been very difficult to share your story and I thank you for it, besides showing your pain and sorrow it also shows the basic good in most of humanity and we all need to remember that no matter what.
Deb…you are right there, it took me hours before I published that post. It felt so personal and yet receiving that email, I knew I had to….I had to share that we all get to that point and it is important to step back and find a way through….if not by yourself, through the help of friends, family or even the help of strangers at Widows Quest!
I just hope the words and the honesty helped
Wow – Anna, how brave (and supportive) you are, to share this story with us! God bless you, darlin’. I am thankful to that stranger, too, because without his help, we would not be here to exchange ideas and be so supportive of all who are walking in our shoes. **HUGS** And thank you, again, for sharing.
Jessica, I have to say even now I wonder whether I should have shared. I am quite a private person would you believe….and feel quite raw. However, I know that moment all too well…and if my words can help save a life then my pride is worth it. Do you know it was only at the final moment that I was scared or fearful….before that I had never been happier. I thought that I was doing something that would make me the happiest I could possibly be. I am so glad that stranger came by…..I would not have you all in my life after all!