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Friday, November 27th, 2009

Widows Quest

Preparing for Valentines Day Alone

February 7, 2009 by Anna Farmery  
Filed under Grief

One thing I love about the Widows Quest community is the willingness to share our grief and tips on how to cope with bereavement. Here are quick tips on how to deal with grief and start the recovery during the Valentine’s Day from Louise Zweben, CEO of SympathyTree.com It is only a week away and I hope these tips on coping with grief will help us all. Feel free in the comments to add your own…
Create an online memorial that brings your family and friends together from all over the world to share stories of love and loss, sadness and joy, written in words, photos and video about the person you lost; to help us smile, laugh, cry and embrace our loved one’s life in an effort to make sense of our loss. While allowing you to create a very nice tribute to them on this special day, online memorial also provides the comfort of a close community and allows us to take the first steps needed to move forward.
Collect photographs and watch videos of you with your loved one as a way to remember the times you shared with them.  You do not want to just block it out.  Moving on starts with looking back.
Invite friends or family over to share a meal or some time together.  Time spent with them can be a very cathartic and reflective time and begins the process of putting things in perspective.
Start the process of getting your business matters in order so you can begin to bring some normalcy back in your life.  This involves getting in order the tax records, property records, investment records, insurance and retiree benefit records, as well as addressing trivial issues such as getting utility bills, bank accounts and credit cards in your name.  Working with close family members or an attorney is the right way to start.  Don’t postpone them for too long., start something small on this Valentine’s Day.
Pledge to join a support group, so you can learn to cope with the loss of someone who was a part of what made us what we are.  So, what do we do, how do we go on after they are gone and how do we deal with the grief?  In addition to family and friends, a support group can help you during this difficult time. 
Visit their grave, so you can tell them how much you loved them and miss them.  Say things you forgot to say when you were together, as if they are standing right in front of you.  You may be carrying burdens of guilt, which unless released, will come in the way of your moving forward.  Start unleashing those burdens this Valentine’s Day.

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Comments

3 Responses to “Preparing for Valentines Day Alone”
  1. Leslie says:

    Dear Anna,
    Thank you so much for this article. I am thinking a lot lately about the coming week. You see, Wednesday is my birthday and then Saturday, of course, is Valentine’s Day.
    Last year my husband was in the hospital recovering from a bleed in the tumour which took his life in June. As you can imagine my birthday wasn’t very happy. My daughter went out of her way to make it as happy as she could. I had dinner at her home with her family and it was lovely. Of course all the while we were thinking of Rick and if he would recover and be with us a while longer.
    Then, on Valentine’s Day I bought some very decadent desserts and went to the hospital to share them with my husband. When I arrived there was a beautiful bouquet of roses sitting on his bed for me.Of course I cried. He had asked my daughter-in-law to get them for me as he could not. The love I felt that night I will never forget. That was the last Valentine’s Day we had and the last gift I received from him. I dried the flowers and they are in a vase on my dining room table. It will be a difficult week but just like all the other weeks so far I will get through it with the love of family and help from the inspiration I get at Widows Quest.
    Love to all,
    Leslie

  2. anna says:

    Leslie we have so much in common as my birthday is in February as well – the 22nd. Funny how we seem to live parallel lives :) I love the fact that you have a happy memory to hold on to at this time, one that can help you through the day. My memory is so blank about our last valentine day…somehow I cannot remember it at all as though I have completely blanked it out…I wonder why, maybe it hurts too much?

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  1. [...] week I posted some tips on how to handle your grief on Valentines Day, so I hope that you are facing today with some strength, a dose of courage and of course knowing [...]



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