Protect Yourself in Grief
September 15, 2009 by Anna Farmery
Filed under Grief
Many posts are about how this is our life and we shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting, about needing to find some happiness without our loved one. However…
I think we also need to set our own boundaries. I know how easy it is to think I must try and pull myself together for others, I will have to do it for them…and although there may be an element of using the love of others to pull you through your grief, I also think that we need to set our own boundaries.
Boundaries protect us while our heart heals, boundaries give us some space to learn how to live again. Boundaries help us understand what we need, what is important to us.
When I say boundaries I mean we sometimes need to be a little self centred, we need to think about our own needs and build time and space into our lives. Self centred sounds selfish, I don’t mean it in that way. I mean it in the way that we need to see there are times when we need to say No. There will be times when we need to lock ourselves away and take time for ourselves.
Once again we shouldn’t feel guilty about creating some boundaries, those boundaries don’t need to be fixed forever just for as long as we need those boundaries to protect our heart.
Anna, this post is very important for me. I tend to always worry about other people and their feelings before I think of myself. This often drives my decision making. I am learning to put myself first at times without guilt. It is difficult but it has to be done. I feel that if I am able to get this time alone and set some boundaries that then I am the better for it and can give more of myself to others. I do believe that we need a mix of looking within and reaching out. My life is in chaos at the moment with moving and all. I am relying on others to help out at the moment but when the move is completed I am sure I will enjoy some alone time to reflect and find some peace of mind. The wonderful thing about my family is that they do recognize my need for boundaries and respect them but when I need them they are right there. I am blessed. I believe you mentioned the other day that you are spending some time with your mum. I do hope you are enjoying yourselves. You deserve it.
Leslie I know I am on holiday but I had to log in to see how you are doing…I am thinking about you each day, and praying that you are coping with the move. I wish I had a better internet connection as it is strange but I want to support as much as I can
I know this is hard and must feel very strange but in time that new house will be a new start with the old place still having your familys love around the house. Dont feel afraid to cry, dont feel afraid to take time for those memories and I will arrange a call when I get back to hopefully give some support from all these miles away
Anna
Thanks so much, Anna. It helps so much to know that when I am feeling a little overwhelmed I can always count on you and Widows Quest to give me moral support.