My friends have the date of the anniversary in their diary and we all get together to celebrate his life. Making a note of other people’s days is important so that you can acknowledge their pain and support them through. Maybe a handwritten note, a card, a call……just show that you care. The more we do it for others, the more that we change the world! 

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Then one day my friend said “Why, don’t you shop on line?” So I did, and I actually found that I enjoyed it as I could browse without feeling as though I wanted to hide. Now I am back shopping, but I make it an event. I normally go with a friend – have a coffee, or lunch – and enjoy their company.

Again, it was about taking one step back (going on line) to take two steps forward.

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 ”People offer help, friends deliver it”

Friendship is a wonderful gift and the love of my friends will remain one of the key memories of a difficult time.

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The reason for the blog from my point of view is to show that there are people who understand your grief, your emotions. That there is someone who cares that you do get through this time in your life. Also, ideas and tips that have either worked for me at pulling me through the persoanl crisis, or for friends and family. Somewhere you can come and know that people understand, and hopefully help support you.

I was thinking “Widows Quest – First Aid for a grieving heart” Not sure that is right though…have you any suggestions? What do you get from reading my thoughts, and pouring my heart out! Let’s write it together….

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 I chose the title of Turning your life around as he was one of the most positive people I have ever known, he always saw the positive in everything. When I honour his memory, I wanted to do something that would meant the world to him. Helping others would be the first on his list.

It also showed me by the powerful e-mails, that you have sent that many of us have lost people we love, and there is a world of people mourning in their own way. Thank you for helping to make Sunday special

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Tomorrow – I’ll tell him just what he means,                                                                                                             That living and loving with him is in my dreams                                                                                              Tomorrow – I’ll give a big hug to mum,                                                                                                                    Say a quick thank you for all that she’s done.                                                                                                                                                                       Tomorrow- I’ll call or even drop by, I’ll say “I love you” state all the reasons why.

Tomorrow-I’ll go about getting in touch                                                                                                                    With forgotton friends I miss so much.                                                                                                                    Tomorrow-I’ll take the first step to my goal,                                                                                                             That I’ve always thought would make my life whole.                                                                                                  Tomorrow-I’ll count all my blessings in life,                                                                                                                   Consider it privilege to be a midwife….       

But what should I do if that day never comes,                                                                                                        And all good intentions come undone.                                                                                                                         If life should spin a crazy dance,                                                                                                                                 All these things and you never got the chance.                                                                                                           If you woke up tomorrow to find that they’d gone,                                                                                                       Looked at your list, realized you’d done none.   

All the things you were going to do today,                                                                                                                 A million things you never got to say.                                                                                                                  Would you be confident that you’d given your all,                                                                                                     Or guilty that you didn’t make that call?                                                                                                                   Could you be at peace, content that they knew,                                                                                                        Just how much they all meant to you?  

So, to avoid that nightmare never becoming real,                                                                                                    Love life, love others and show how you feel.

It hit home to me, and I need to be more open to my friends and family that are still very much here.                           

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This made me think of how you could develop your own support group for others. This could be on line, second life or in your community. We are absolutly not on our own, there are many people who are all feeling the pain of having loved and lost. So if you want to do something positive…why not set up your own support group, or on line forum? It will give you a focus, and also the great feeling of helping others who may be starting the journey of self discovery.

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That happened to me and the losing of someone you love can have a positive side effect of getting you to really think about what you want from life. For me, it caused me to rethink my career as I had not been happy for a while – I loved the people but my values were being compromised. It is a little like writing the legacy that I spoke about on a previous post.

It may be sad it is a crisis that causes this, but the outcome can be a positive one for you. Questions that I asked myself were

What do I want from life?

What is important to me?

How can I make sure his legacy lives on?

What will bring me happiness?

 Hope this helps you create clarity during this awful time.

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Quest = “a long and difficult search”

I think that is a great summary of what we all go through. I don’t know about you but at the beginning I didn’t even know what I was searching for, or indeed if I wanted to search! This is my experience

I don’t want to search

I can’t ever see myself wanting to

I don’t want to feel this way

How do I get through this?

I need to get through it for my family

I think I can get through it – a day at a time

At this point you are starting on your “quest” to find a new inner peace, a new way of being happy, a new life. Yes, I think a quest is the right word – a long and difficult road, but most things in life worth having are not easy. I am glad I too on the quest, and I am glad that I withstood the hard difficult times….because now I am a better person, and a stronger one.

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On my other blog for business The Engaging Brand I interviewed Rob Galford who has just written a book about living your legacy and one of his comments really hit home with me.

“Every day you leave a legacy” and that is true. Every day we leave our own history on the world, and how we behave is in a small way creating our legacy by which others will remember us.

After losing someone who left such a loving legacy, I am now going to write down how I want others to think about me, and live that legacy every day…..I haven’t decided what that will be yet but I believe it will give me a focus at this difficult time. What would you want your legacy to be?

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