Widows Quest » anniversary

Grief and the Little Things in Life…

Anna Farmery — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:30:58 +0000

I often say that in death you learn so much about life. Before being faced with death, you can be so wrapped up with the big things without even knowing it….

For me, grief has highlighted the importance of the little things in life …..when I say the little things, small aspects of life which have a BIG impact. It has highlighted the little things from two perspectives

Looking back, what do I miss the most...the little things. Holding my hand when I don’t expect it, cuddling on the sofa, the smile, their warmth in bed, the laughing at the in joke….
And now looking at my life now…what means the most to me…the little things. The friend who rings just for a natter, the card saying that I am thinking of you, the friend who remembers an anniversary, the hug on the bad day.

We can spend our lives working hard, to raise money for the big things in life…..the house, the holidays, the material things, yet when push comes to shove what really makes you happy…the little things….in our grief lets not underestimate the little things…in both giving them and receiving them.

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Coping with the Anniversary of Loss

Anna Farmery — Thu, 28 May 2009 14:21:09 +0000

The comments to Don’t Forget the Good Times really touched my heart. Anniversaries are tough and I thought I would share how I cope…as I said in my comment to the blog post

“Pain makes me realise my heart is still alive, it is still feeling….pain means that the love is still alive.”

So often during bereavement you can feel numb, you can feel, well actually not feel anything. It was my Nana who taught me something about heartache. She said “Heartache takes away the numbness. Heartache means that your heart is alive and still capable of loving. Heartache means that your love has not died with their death. Heartache should be embraced over the years as it is a positive sign that your love endures, and your heart is learning to love again”

At the time I thought this was daft! But now I think I believe in this idea. Now as the pain increases I smile as I don’t feel the hurt, I try and feel the love. I am not sure if this will help – but always remember we are all here for you.

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Creating a memory book

Anna Farmery — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 17:05:20 +0000

I got a lovely e-mail from Jeff who pointed me to iMemory which I have have had a look at and it seems a wonderful way of capturing a memorial to someone who has died. I love the website and loved the phrase “Every life is a story waiting to be told”

We are characters in this wonderful story called life, and characters may come and go but the story continues.

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Boxing Day Memories

Anna Farmery — Tue, 26 Dec 2006 14:20:06 +0000

Mum is over with me at the moment, and today is tough for her. It would have been her wedding anniversary, her 47th if Dad was still alive. She remembers the day so vividly and I have encouraged her to talk as much as she wants to about the day. Memories are so important, and talking about them is so important. For me talking is a way of letting the grief out, and also of remembering the good times. Whether it is your memory or someone else who has suffered loss, allow them to tak, to open up, to get the photo’s out, even to cry…it is all part of the bereavement process.

Tonight I have bought a bottle of champagne for her, as a way of celebrating her life with the man she loved and still does…

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A wonderful story to lift your spirits

Anna Farmery — Fri, 10 Nov 2006 09:49:21 +0000

I wanted to share this e-mail that I got for my blog posting on Sunday which was about how to turn your life around – and was in honour of the 3rd anniversary of my loss.

“I had every intention of writing something for this project, but
apparently the loss, even though it’s been 29 years, is still very great.
That day also marked the anniversary of my families greatest loss as well.

It was on this very day – 29 years ago, that we said our final goodbyes.

Each year I try to do something to celebrate Tony and his life. Something
that I hope will become a bit viral in honor of his short life. I share one
of our very special family traditions.

The Elf that came to our house…

Check out his story it is wonderful and I would like to thank Galyla McCord from MomGadget for sending it to us.

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