“When compared with a controlled group of people who hadn’t lost anyone close to them, the bereaved showed significant increases in blood pressure, pulse rate and changes to their immune and clotting systems, which made their blood stickier and a heart attack more likely. The changes were most marked during the first six months after bereavement and have been pounced on by the media as the first scientific explanation of why surviving partners often die so soon after their loved ones.”

Reading this made me realise the importance of looking after ourselves…we may not feel like living but..

We will….one day

And

We all understand the pain of loss and if we don’t look after ourselves then we will pass that pain on to the people around us.

So starting today I am changing my diet to a much healthier mix of foods…

Post from: Widows Quest

Good grief!

X is causing me grief today!

I am dead worried

Mmm I stopped in my tracks a little and wondered why people use such phrases – I mean to me grief can never be good, and can you really say a problem in life is like grief? Maybe it is just the thought of a bereaved person but it made me think where do these phrases come from – does anyone know? I am off to Google to see if I can find an answer….

Also do you notive yourself saying them now or has death stopped you from using the phrases..just nosey as I have noticed I am much less likely to say words that are associated with loss?

Post from: Widows Quest

I was shocked and said “How do you know that?”

She smiled and said “You are staring, looking lost and fiddling with your ring…a true sign of a broken heart?”

Made me think of other ways people can tell you are bereaved, some I have to say a little tongue in cheek…

1. We hate filling forms out, as we don’t want to tick our marital status.
2. We keep looking at our watches IF we ever go to a social gathering, trying to sense when it is OK to run back home!
3. We stare into space a lot, and don’t always realize that someone is speaking to us!
4. We can never again watch Lassie without being inconsolable!
5. We don’t fit our clothes either because grief leaves us not wanting to eat, or grief means that we cannot stop eating…either way our clothes look wrong….

What would you add?

Post from: Widows Quest

I started life just as a one,

Part of a family but still just a single… one.

Then I met you and one became two

But now you are gone, what do I do?

I loved being together, I loved being a two

I can’t imagine being a one, no not without you.

To some, one and two are just numbers you see

Yet one is alone coping with grief

And two is no longer a reality for me

[iStockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

One of the bereaved says

“This book is full of the things we want to say but don’t have the opportunity,” said Moneca Melan, Melissa’s mother. “Some people say it’s really sad, but it’s an expression of grief that is really powerful.”

I agree that it is expressing your grief that is so powerful. Too often as widows and widowers, we keep our emotions in and that restricts our journey through our grief.

 To purchase a copy of the book, visit the FACT website at www.familiesagainstcrime.org or contact Melan through Melissa’s memorial website at www.livetrueformelissa.net.

Post from: Widows Quest

Always Near as You Walk Along the Lakeshore

And I am no longer with you
Let no tears fall or sorrow prevail
When you see your reflection shimmer in the water
Smile and know that I see your smile
When you feel the cool grass beneath your feet
And the sun’s warmth upon your back
Know that I feel it also
When you hear the leaves rustling in the wind
Know it is my voice softly whispering to you
When you see a butterfly dancing among flowers
Know that I am dancing also
When you gently touch a puppy’s soft fur
Know that I too feel your touch
When the wind swirls across your skin
Know that it is I who caresses you
When you love another
Know that I too feel your love

Author Unknown

Post from: Widows Quest

“Strong feelings of grief are normal and healthy after the death of someone you love but recent research from UNSW suggests that some people grieve for so long that it becomes a significant mental illness.

Estimates are that between 10 and 15 per cent of bereaved people experience an intense, prolonged sadness arising from longing or yearning for the deceased – so much so that their overall health is impaired, they withdraw socially, become depressed and even suicidal.”

Do you believe that health is impaired through prolonged grief?

Post from: Widows Quest