It was Gandhi who made this comment and do you know I feel it is as apt for widows and widowers as it is for people wanting to make societal or political change.
Readers know that I am on a constant roller coaster of emotion…that little old lady called grief manages to shake me to the core every now and then, just to remind me that overcoming a bereavement is hard. So just when it seems easier, just when I seem to be back in control of my own emotions….grief prods me to remind me that it is still there …read more

Walking in town today, I looked at the wonderful shades of the trees and thought how nature has this fabulous way of defining moods, defining life, defining change….through shades.
Grief should be based on fact in a way. It is based on a factual happening – that person you love has died. Yet, grief is not matter of fact, grief is not an exact science….grief is all the shades of autumn.
Bereavement and that sense of loss stirs emotions which are on a full spectrum of pain, and those leaves I looked at today almost reflected the rainbow of grief.

The vibrant reds …read more

Sometimes bereavement can affect the way you value yourself, it can make you feel less valued as your partner is no longer there telling you that they love you….
I know that if I am being truthful that I don’t really value me, I value others ALOT, actually too much as I always feel everyone is better than me in whatever way. I think that is what I miss most…that person who loves you unconditionally and sees the good in you and helps YOU see the good in YOU.
So a question for you today…Do you value who you are right now?
Do …read more

We have some wonderful people in our Widows Quest community. One of those people is Leslie who has just moved into a new house, you can read her feelings in the comments to Grief Has Made Me Emotional.
I cried when I read her thoughts..why? Because I hate people hurting…I so wish that I had a magic bereavement wand that would take away all our pain.
But it made me think about how we emotionally attach to objects….mmmm…but then is it really the object that we attach to? In Leslie’s case it is a house, with me it is a jumper! But …read more

A broken heart hurts as we all know, but a study by Dr Mark Porter shows that if we are not careful then grief can affect our health. In a survey, he found
“When compared with a controlled group of people who hadn’t lost anyone close to them, the bereaved showed significant increases in blood pressure, pulse rate and changes to their immune and clotting systems, which made their blood stickier and a heart attack more likely. The changes were most marked during the first six months after bereavement and have been pounced on by the …read more

Work was difficult for me at the time of my loss. Work seemed insignificant. Work seemed trivial and pointless. This was from a person who if she is being honest, was a workaholic. I think I blamed work – and not me! – for taking too much time away from my loved ones. When in reality it had been my choice and those who loved me knew how work was important to me. It helped me define who I was…somehow.
So I was interested earlier this month to read about how work – in this case football – had helped Jermaine …read more

It always amazes me how the word widows or widowers often provokes an emotional response. You get the touch of the arm, maybe an embarrassed look or the one which I feel cringe worthy….”Oh I am sorry”
I understand the reaction because people feel the pain of loss, they know that bereavement is awful and they also know that there are no words which can take away that sense of loss.
However, when you think about it widowhood has some good signs..

It means you are one of the lucky people in the world who found their true love!
It means that you understand …read more

Loneliness can be so cruel. The sound of silence can be deafening. I think in grief, silence can be one of the loneliest times. In bereavement I think it is important to give yourself the chance to grieve, to cry, to weep but I also think we must guard against being alone in a silent house.
The silence can be a constant reminder of being on your own, it can be the reminder that you are now a widow or widower. Going out can often feel so alien and so frightening that it may not be an option to start with…I …read more

If you were building a house you wouldn’t just sit and look at a piece of ground and hope that a house appeared! So if we want to build a new life we need to think like an architect of our own life. Grief means that we need to rebuild our life.
Design – What kind of life do you want? Design the life that you want to build so that you can have a picture which you can build towards.
Foundations – All life’s – and houses – are built on solid foundations. Grief causes your life to be turned upside …read more

Widows Quest tries to bring people together who in grief feel alone, or are looking for support through their bereavement. Last Friday night we held another online meeting and it was fabulous speaking to readers – actually now friends – of Widows Quest.
I talked about how grief has been strange recently. I feel, most days!, that I can cope but that there is still something missing. I think you can get to a stage where you learn to cope with the emotions on a daily basis but that you still feel that there is just something missing – something I …read more