“When it comes to bereavement, women will have a strong source of support in her friends, while a man may have suffered a double bereavement, losing his wife and friend at the same time.”

Strong platonic friendships can be difficult to sustain, mainly because of other people’s perceptions of them.

“Most of us rarely stop to analyse our friendships, but knowing you have this bond with someone is an incredible source of strength.

“On a day-to-day basis, it’s good to spend time with someone whose company you enjoy and who feels the same way about you – it relaxes you and has all sorts of other benefits, such as sharing experiences, jokes and ambitions.”

Have you a story of how a friendship has grown or how friendship has helped you ? I know that without my friends I don’t think I would have coped. I will never forget my best friend who came to the hospital on his last day, then came and stayed with me on  the night. She just held me, not saying anything, just being there…it meant so much

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Post from: Widows Quest

I am having a few days away with her…we are going to the place where Mum and Dad last holidayed together. Mum can’t wait to show me where Dad was so happy. I cannot wait for 2 reasons

• Just spending quality time together. I live away and when I go home, we end up in the car , in the garden, at the shops…as I try and help her in her life.
• Creating some wonderful memories that I can look back on forever

It is funny how when someone dies, how it focuses the mind on the love of those around you. I  know that I don’t take the relationships for granted like I did, I invest much more time as I never want those regrets again….

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Post from: Widows Quest

“There is only me and I will turn 60 in July without my best friend (and younger spouse) there beside me. I don’t think I have a day where the tears do not well up. I am so alone and so lonely, too.”

Loneliness is awful, it is like a stream running through your body, swirling around and catching you off guard. I want to stress that this blog is home to all people suffering with grief….a home where we can all come and help each other. So often friends and family live away – as with me – and you don’t know where to turn….there is always a friend here for you…..who will understand.

Readers will know that I have ups and downs…..I hope the ups help to show you that there is hope, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I hope the downs show that all your feelings are natural, that you are not alone.

Two things that have helped me that may help Jessica

• It helps to have some sound in the house. I listen to podcasts, the radio, the TV anything to make it feel that there is someone else around in the house.
• It helps me to set some exercise goals…I take a walk each day or go to the gym. The reason is that it gives me a goal, it gives me a sense of achievement at the same time as helping my body become healthier.

Jessica – you are not alone.  We are here to support and  feel free to share your thoughts in  the comments. Sometimes just writing your thoughts down helps….you as well as others.

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Post from: Widows Quest

 

•  Are you honest with yourself? Honest about your feelings, honest about the lost relationship (sometimes we can look through rose tinted glasses), honest about what you want from the future – it is OK to want to be happy.
• Are you honest about the way you feel - do you let the anger and resentment out?
• Do you listen to your own advice and try and live by it – or do you ignore what you know is good advice. For instanc, I know I must keep myself cooped away, yet sometimes I ignore that and feel worse for it!
• Do you love yourself for being you ?…you existed before you met your spouse…you will exist after their death.
• Do you look for your strengths or concentrate on your failings?
• Do you invest time for yourself, do you treat yourself and pamper yourself like you would a friend?
• Do you make your progress a priority in your life…if you were your friend then you would invest time in getting you through the bereavement?

We are constantly talking to ourselves whether we know that or not…we need to ensure that this talking is positive…we will cope, we deserve to be happy, we love that we are emotional and will use that to grow, we love our strength in adversity….

Are you your best friend or are you draining the energy from your own friendship through negative talk and not bothering to look after yourself? 

Post from: Widows Quest