Widows Quest » cancer

Ideas on Living Life

Anna Farmery — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 14:02:12 +0000

The loss of a child, well I just cannot imagine the pain. I cannot imagine finding the strength to write about it but I was emailed about a book from Shirley Enebrad. Now I haven’t read the book but wanted to share some of the story and lessons from cancer

More children die from cancer than all of the other diseases combined,

“The flip side of placing a high value on human life is the fear of dying,” said Enebrad, author of Over the Rainbow Bridge “My son, Cory, never looked at that side of the coin. He only saw life, and he envisioned his life as nothing more – and nothing less – than an opportunity to inspire others.”

“He asked me to write this book to help teach people that death is not the end and that we should not be afraid,” she said. “He loved the message in the song ‘The Rose,’ especially the lyric ‘those afraid of dying cannot learn to live.’

Cory also wanted to share his ideas on living life, no matter the circumstances:

- Live like there’s no tomorrow, love with all your heart and laugh until your spirit lights up!
- There is an afterlife where our soul/essence/spirit lives on.
- No matter what happens — choose happiness.
- Helping people helps you to grow as a person.

“Cory’s life was about teaching people how to live, to make every moment count and that life is a gift.”

You know why is it that those who are dying are often the ones with the strength? Why are those who die so rational? Why is it that the living think more about death and the dying think about living….

(30% of net proceeds from his biography will be donated to Candlelighters Childhood Cancer Foundation of Western Washington (WWA) and CureSearch National Childhood Cancer Foundation)

Post from: Widows Quest

The Spirit of Lance Armstrong

Anna Farmery — Fri, 29 May 2009 19:28:24 +0000

Lance Armstrong has shown us all how to conquer our fears, how to face what life has thrown at us and how to beat pain as well as cancer. I have been touched by the pain people are feeling over these weeks as anniversaries of our loved ones death appear on the calendar.

I saw this quote from Lance Armstrong and thought it might helps us all realise that although the pain of loss is always there, that pain is like a flowing roller coaster. We have a choice…we can give into that pain, or we can fight it and use it as motivation for our future happiness. As Lance says

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute or an hour, or a day, or a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quite it will last forever”

Post from: Widows Quest

Do You Seek Loneliness or Enjoy Solitude?

Anna Farmery — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 21:00:25 +0000

I was reading about Jack Tweed who is the husband of reality TV star Jade Goody who at the age of 27 lost her fight against cancer this week. According to reports he is struggling to be alone in his grief.

There is a fine line between enjoying solitude and feeling the depth of loneliness.I know the importance of checking whether you are using the solitude to hide from life, to hide from the hurt of grief. I know how sometimes it is easier to dissolve into a world of solitude…rather than having to join the world again. But beware that the solitude can become loneliness and loneliness can become depression…..

I have always been the kind of person who is happy to be alone. I have never been lonely when I am alone. In fact I feel in grief I am lonelier when I am in a crowd – because that is when I miss him the most.

Yet other people cannot stand being alone in their grief. This just shows how different we all are and how coping with grief is personal to us all.

Are you a person who seeks solitude or someone who fights off loneliness?

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

The Innocence of Youth

Anna Farmery — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 20:19:06 +0000

This weekend I was babysitting for my friend who lost her husband last year through cancer. After about an hour I realised that her little boy was looking at me with a kind of puzzled look on his face. I brought him onto my knee and asked him what he was thinking.

He said “I am worried about Daddy. I heard you and mum talking about how prices are rising, how expensive it is for us to be warm in our house, well Mum has a job but Daddy doesn’t as he can’t work anymore, how is he going to manage in heaven, should I send him a coat?”

Don’t you just love the innocence of youth!

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

Grief Tips From The Hospital

Anna Farmery — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 09:40:00 +0000

I am still at the hospital awaiting tests today, however I am surrounded by some wonderful people – and many of whom are on their own after the losing their husbands. It has been heart warming listening to the stories and also asking for some tips on how we can all cope with our grief.Today I was talking to Connie who lost her husband 2 years ago to cancer. I asked her for some advice to share and she said“Talk more than you think you should, talk more than you think you want to. But when you talk, talk in a positive way about the life you shared and the life that you are going to enjoy in a different way now.You may not feel positive but the more you talk about it in a positive way, the more it feels possible and the more it feels possible – the more probable it becomes!”Connie is in her 80’s, just had quite a major operation and yet, is so positive about life. Wow, another icon of hope for us all.

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

5 Foods to Beat Depression

Anna Farmery — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 12:13:09 +0000

I suffer from mood swings and I believe that the food we put into our body, help us cope with depression. I thought I would Google to see which foods come up as the best to beat depression – here they are

Fish oils – Contain omega-3 fatty acids. Research has shown that depressed people often lack a fatty acid known as EPA. Participants in a 2002 study featured in the Archives of General Psychiatry took just a gram of fish oil each day and noticed a 50-percent decrease in symptoms such as anxiety, sleep disorders, unexplained feelings of sadness, suicidal thoughts, and decreased sex drive.
Brown rice – Contains vitamins B1 and B3, and folic acid.
Brewers Yeast – Contains vitamins B1, B2 and B3. Brewer’s yeast should be avoided if you do not tolerate yeast well, but if you do, mix a thimbleful into any smoothie for your daily dose.
Whole Grain Oats – Contain folic acid, pantothenic acid and vitamins B6 and B1
Cabbage – Contains vitamin C and folic acid. Cabbage protects against stress, infection and heart disease, as well as many types of cancers, according to the American Association for Cancer Research

Is there anything that you eat that helps?

Post from: Widows Quest

Remembering More of Our Lost Loved Ones

Anna Farmery — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:15:13 +0000

I have been so overcome with the tributes that I have received from you all, here are some more from readers and Dad would love them! Grief really seems to bring out the most wonderful words…

Louise wrote

“I saw him for the first time in a sports arena. I caught his eye, and it was true love at first sight. He melted me with his eyes, I will never forget that first time that we met. Thirty years of love and happiness, I lost my wonderful David to cancer. I watched him waste a way, yet the love in his eyes remained as strong as ever. David, thank you for bringing meaning to my life. We may be apart at the moment but our hearts remain entwined. Your love carries on in our beautiful children who you would be so proud of, please know that you may be gone but you live on forever in our hearts”

Dick pays tribute to his wife Elma

“We annoyed each other, we irritated each other, but most of all we loved each other so much. It has been 15 years since you were taken away from us and there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t missed you with all my heart. When they took you away, they took away my heartbeat too….You were the most beautiful lady, you were the most beautiful soul mate. You ARE my world.”

Cynthia says

“I lost my young son 4 years ago. There is nothing right about a child dying before a parent. Son, you had your life ahead of you, your smile lit the world, I know everyone thinks their child is special but you were truly special. I remember your tears when you had a nightmare, the laughs when you watched cartoons..I remember it all. I hope your grandad is looking after you for me, I will be there to hold you one day. In the meantime, remember that I love you so much, Mum.”

Wendy writes

“My boyfriend, Christophe would have been 30 at the end of this month. C was the love of my life and also of all the people he knew. The 500 people at the funeral told the story of a young man who was taken too early. He gave so willingly and with a smile. C – everyone sends their love and hope you have found a lovely chilled beer and a good baseball team”

It has been a very special week, and the words of grief are so wonderful and emotional. I hope that the words bring as much comfort to you as they do for me.

[iStockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

Let’s Not Grieve Alone

Anna Farmery — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 08:37:19 +0000

I believe in community and yesterday I talked about how a cancer patient has built a community around blogging. A comment from a reader lead me to another blog that helps people come to terms with grief, death and bereavement.

I love bringing tips and help to you all and if you know of a site that can help widows, widowers or people that have lost a long term partner then let me know. I believe the more we share, the more we understand our feelings, the more we think about how to move forward into a scary future then the better.

Post from: Widows Quest

Strictly Come Dancing Through the Grief

Anna Farmery — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 21:23:12 +0000

I saw that Kelly Brook who is competing on the UK version of Strictly Come Dancing has just lost her father to cancer

“Grief-stricken Kelly Brook plans to dedicate her next performance in Strictly Come Dancing to her father after he died on Monday.

Miss Brook, 28, said she was determined to plough on with the show because it was what her father Kenneth Parsons would have wanted.

Scaffolder Mr Parsons died at the family home in Kent at the age of 57 after a lengthy battle with lung cancer.”

Wow, I remember losing Dad – 8.08pm on 5 November 2003 to be precise and I am not sure that I could have focused on anything…I remember feeling just numb. I guess focusing on something must help and it shows that no matter your name, your wealth, your fame…you will never escape the pain of loss.

Post from: Widows Quest

Jane Tomlinson – We will never forget your courage

Anna Farmery — Tue, 04 Sep 2007 15:55:07 +0000

I was so sad to see the BBC news and hear about the death of Jane Tomlinson. The tributes were led by Gordon Brown who said ….
“he is “saddened” by the death of Jane Tomlinson following her seven-year battle with cancer.

He paid tribute to the charity fund-raiser’s “amazing spirit and strength” following her death on Monday at the age of 43. The married mother-of-three died at St Gemma’s Hospice in Leeds.She was diagnosed with terminal cancer in 2000 and told she had just six months to live.”

Jane’s only desire was to raise the awareness of cancer, she spent her last years raising millions for charity. Biking across the US for example, despite her body failing.

The Bishop of Leeds, the Right Reverend Arthur Roche, described Mrs Tomlinson’s battle with cancer as “Olympian”.

He said: “She was a bright beam of light in the midst of a darkness that can so often accompany a terminal illness.

“She fought a very brave fight, of Olympian proportions, right to the end of her earthly life and has left us a legacy of courage when faced with difficulty; of striving for others despite one’s own important needs.”

Jane’s spirit is a lesson to all of us, we never know what cards we will be dealt with – but it is not what happens to us, it is how we deal with what happens that matters. Jane’s positive approach to life and death will mean a legacy that will live on forever……

Post from: Widows Quest