The other day she took them to a park which they used to visit as a family. She gave them some paper and a pen each. She asked them to write down what they wanted Daddy to know. After they had finished they tied the notes to a balloon each and let them go….into the sky.

I thought this was a wonderful idea. The children being young now have a pack of balloons by the side of their bed and any time they want to tell Daddy something then they can tie it to a balloon.

Will it work in the long run, time will tell but I think as a parent my friend is showing how important it is to find ways of allowing your children to express their grief. I thought I would share it with you…

Do you have any ideas to share to help widows and widowers with their children’s grief?

cloud, storms, water

Post from: Widows Quest

He turned and said in a very adult voice (!)

“As I see it when I trapped my finger in the kitchen cupboard in hurt a lot for a while. Mum put a plaster on and I tried not to use it till it stopped hurting. Losing Daddy is like that”

He then walked to the kitchen and came back with a plaster on his chest.

“That feels better now people know that I am hurting and when it feels better, I will take it off. Because it will you know!”

Wow, the innocence of children but you know in the innocence is such a deep truth.……we just need to give them time to deal with the grief and find that protection from family and friends in the meantime.

Post from: Widows Quest

“Statistics show that one children in every seven will experience the death of an immediate family member by the age of 10.”

It also goes on to say

“Children do not express their grief in the same way adults do, but that doesn’t mean they do not grieve, Crea said. “If you’re old enough to love, you’re old enough to grieve,”

I was speaking to my friend about this and it came clear that she was helping her child to cope with grief as an adult would……she had forgotten to think like her child. I think this is vital, putting yourself in the mind of your child.

She has started to draw with her and also communicate through music…so yesterday she asked her to play a song that expressed how she felt. This kind of change has helped to break through the barrier. She is even thinking of learning the guitar with her child as a way of building on the connection.

As widows we can often get so lost in our own grief that we subconsciously forget the feelings of those around us. Often thinking about how our loved ones are coping can be a positive step in our own rehabilitation.

Do you have children? How are they coping? 

Post from: Widows Quest

“Edward Cleaver, bereavement organizer for the camp, said children dealing with grief often believe others don’t feel the same or can understand them. “We want to reduce the isolation they are feeling,” he said.

Matched with a big-buddy counselor, the campers spent the weekend horseback riding, trying archery, strolling in nature and talking in group sessions around a campfire or one-on-one.

Up to 20 kids are recruited in central Indiana to attend. All expenses are covered by donations.

Haley Riemenschneider, 11, of Logasnport had only talked with her mother about her father’s passing until Camp Angel.

“In school they want to know why you are talking to them about it,” she said of her classmates. “Here, everyone understands.”

That last comment was so telling for me…here everyone understands. We do need to ensure that they have a channel of emotional release, a channel for an expression of their thoughts no matter how much they say that they are coping.

Post from: Widows Quest

“The sense of loss, dealing with death, even the passing of a fictional character, can have a profound impact on children, experts warn, and parents should be prepared to handle questions and pay attention to behaviors that could arise after reading the final book.

“Different people identify with different characters in all forms of literature. Parents should be cognizant of whom their child deals with in any book,” says Dr. Mitch Spero, a licensed psychologist at Joe DiMaggio Children’s Hospital in Hollywood, Fla.

“With loss issues, if a child is prone to separation disorder, any type of loss will kick up any other loss this child has experienced in life,” for example, flashbacks to the death of a relative or other loved one, he said.

Problems can include depression, sleeplessness, temper tantrums, reverting to bed wetting. Older kids could become irritable, frustrated.”

It is interesting how grief affects children – I had not thought about the Harry Potter effect, but if we are aware of the potential for an adverse mental reaction, then we can be there for them.   

Post from: Widows Quest