Widows Quest » children

The 5 Year Old’s Advice for Widows Quest

Anna Farmery — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 16:59:49 +0000

My friend has been a widow for just over a year. I was around at their house when I was talking to her 5 year old about how the family was feeling.

He turned and said in a very adult voice (!)

“As I see it when I trapped my finger in the kitchen cupboard in hurt a lot for a while. Mum put a plaster on and I tried not to use it till it stopped hurting. Losing Daddy is like that”

He then walked to the kitchen and came back with a plaster on his chest.

“That feels better now people know that I am hurting and when it feels better, I will take it off. Because it will you know!”

Wow, the innocence of children but you know in the innocence is such a deep truth.……we just need to give them time to deal with the grief and find that protection from family and friends in the meantime.

Post from: Widows Quest

10 Wonders of Life

Anna Farmery — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 15:51:43 +0000

Having lost someone we know how much pain there is in the world and how awful life events can be..but if we look hard there are beautiful things that make life so special

The smile of a baby
The laughter of friends and family
The feel of an early morning hot shower
The look in the eyes of a young couple in love for the first time
The sound of a river
The smell of an Autumn day
The serene sight of a child sleeping
The dawn of a new day
The smell of fresh flowers
The memories when you look at those old photo’s

Death may bring some dark moments, but life continues and if we look around at the world there are plenty of things to bring a smile to our face again

Post from: Widows Quest

The Power of a Hug

Anna Farmery — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 16:24:32 +0000

Ever wondered why you feel better from a hug…ever felt how you miss the hug of your loved one….how death has stripped you of a wonderfully uplifting hug?

Well I was reading this article produced by The Pacific Institute which says

“… demonstrated love and affection is important to our mental and physical health at every age. Did you know that our actual body chemistry changes when we are physically close to another? It is true. Many studies have now conclusively demonstrated that touch, especially caring touch, can boost the strength of our immune system, increase the oxygen carrying hemoglobin in our blood, and in general, make us happier and healthier human beings.”

It made me think how often when we suffer loneliness and can withdraw from the world because of bereavement…what this is saying is that, a hug a day may keep the depression away! Ok so it won’t necessarily be the same but giving a hug to a family or friend may just provide that little bit of comfort that will allow us to sleep through the night…

I also realised how important that hug is to a bereaved child……no matter how you are feeling, make sure that hugs are given freely to help our children

Post from: Widows Quest

Children and the Bereavement Process

Anna Farmery — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 18:28:31 +0000

So often we try and shield children from the grief, from the pain of losing someone close. I found the approach of a Scottish husband so refreshing as detailed at the Scotsman.com

“I basically told them two things – that mummy died because her body had stopped working; and that it was not their fault, my fault or mummy’s fault,” recalls Klaus.

“They then went to see Brigid in the room where she died. I know there’s a big taboo about that sort of thing but I thought it would help them to see her and I thought it was right to include them in the grieving process.”

He also says ”

He says: “I think it was very important to accept help from outside. I felt it was important not to close your doors and lock yourself away with your grief.

“I would urge anyone going through something similar to accept help as much as possible.” which I believe is so true.

The article also points to a UK charity that helps parents and bereaved children to come through the grief, it is called Winstons Wish The charity looks excellent and has many resources for people in this situation.

Post from: Widows Quest

A child’s grief

Anna Farmery — Tue, 24 Apr 2007 07:20:13 +0000

I just read this article on how a child has written a book on her grief to help others. How inspiring, especially this phrase “If it only touches one life, I’ll be happy,”. Haley O’Hayer wrote a children’s book called “Wings,” a tale about a butterfly named Joey, who has lots of friends, and one day is killed by a jealous bee. His family and friends deal with Joey’s death with the help of a white dove. For Haley, fantasy and reality have mixed. Five years ago, Haley’s older brother, Thomas O’Hayer, 21-years-old, was killed in his home on Cindy Street on Savannah’s southside.

“It still occasionally hits me pretty hard,” Haley told WTOC. Haley was 11-years-old at the time. “I really don’t remember, all I know I was upset and there were a lot of people at my house crying,” she said.

Haley’s hoping her book, part tribute to her brother and part Girl Scout Gold Award project, sends a message to kids who are dealing with a similar loss.

“I understand how they feel,” Haley said. “Other people around you know how they feel and they can talk to anyone.”

What a fantastic way for a child to work through their feelings, what a great way to help others – well done Haley.

Post from: Widows Quest

Listening to a Child

Anna Farmery — Tue, 27 Feb 2007 15:20:30 +0000

I cam across the Dougy Center which helps children come to terms with grief. I particularly like their advice when it came to supporting children

“ Listen.

After a death, many children want to share their story. They may want to tell you what happened, where they were when they were told about the death, and what it was like for them. Telling their story is a healing experience. One of the best ways adults can help young grievers is to listen to their stories“

I believe that listening is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to people – as my nan always says you have 2 ears and 1 mouth…and you should use them to the same proportion!

Post from: Widows Quest

Another thought on recording memories

Anna Farmery — Thu, 01 Feb 2007 16:04:55 +0000

I have just posted about recording your grief cycle to an audio file, but it also gave me some other ideas that I wish I had thought of earlier…

Why not record memories of your life together for your children to keep on CD.
Why not record your last few weeks together if you know they are dying, as a reminder of their voice.
Why not tell your lifestory as a memorial to you
Why not tell your loved one’s life story before people forget
Why not record a message to put in the coffin

Just some ideas that I thought may help….anyone got any other ways of how audio could help before death or as a memorial after you have lost your spouse?

Post from: Widows Quest

Positive Thinking Carnival to help YOU through your grief

Anna Farmery — Sun, 21 Jan 2007 17:42:40 +0000

Welcome to the January 21, 2007 edition of positive thinking.

Mary Deyo presents Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life posted at Dr. Deyo Wants You To Be Happy.

Heather writes Positive Thinking posted at Middle Age Shed

Ellesse presents Now You Can Write SMART Goals That Work! posted at Goal Setting College.

Anna presents Would you let your money lost interest? posted at The Engaging Brand

Fred fullerberry presents Who to Compare Yourself With posted at FredFullerberry.com, saying, “This a simple lesson I garnered from mom. The meat of it is a powerful tool for personal change.”

Chris presents How to be Cooler | How to get a Social Life posted at How to be Cooler.

John Hill presents Trust Your Feelings posted at Universe Of Success.

Mabelandharry presents What is your success posted at MabelandHarry

almomento presents The Hidden Power of Mastermind posted at BurstCreativity.

Maria Yu presents Post Memorial for Our Beloved posted at Life.

Mr Biggs presents Fear !! posted at One Powerful Word – THOUGHT, saying, “Success and positive thinking”

Talia Mana presents Anti-Depressants – Is the cure worse than the illness? (Part 1 of 2) posted at Emotional Well-Being,

Dr. Jane Chin presents What Moves Us posted at Jane Chin PhD,

Mark McManus presents How To Induce Faith – The Prerequisite To Achieving Your Goals posted at Build Your Life To Order ™,

Craig Harper presents Motivational Speaker – Craig Harper posted at Renovate your life with Craig,

Donald Latumahina presents 5 Reasons Why Doing What You Love Can Optimize Your Life posted at Life Optimizer.

Raymond David Salas presents 10 Ways to Be Happier Now posted at ZenChill.com – Power Tools for Mind, Body, and Soul.

Kavit Haria presents How To Deal With Choice Overload posted at Kavit’s Letters, Thoughts and Musings.

Linda Freedman presents Saying Goodbye posted at Everyone needs therapy? Lessons from a family therapist,

Charles H. Green presents I’m OK, You’re an Idiot posted at Trust Matters,

Neal Cohen presents Train Your Brain: Get a Head Coach posted at SharpBrains,

Caroline Latham presents Why are so many brain fitness programs appearing now? posted at SharpBrains,

Alan presents Your True Inner Potential posted at Made to Be Great.

Ellesse presents Drawing Inspirations from Your Miserable Failures posted at Goal Setting College.

Think Happy Thoughts Happiness Blog presents Invincible Happiness posted at Miguel Trujillo,

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our carnival submission form. Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

Post from: Widows Quest

Creating a memory book

Anna Farmery — Fri, 12 Jan 2007 17:05:20 +0000

I got a lovely e-mail from Jeff who pointed me to iMemory which I have have had a look at and it seems a wonderful way of capturing a memorial to someone who has died. I love the website and loved the phrase “Every life is a story waiting to be told”

We are characters in this wonderful story called life, and characters may come and go but the story continues.

Post from: Widows Quest

Carnival of Positive Thinking

Anna Farmery — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 17:45:41 +0000

Welcome to the January 7, 2007 edition of positive thinking, my goal is to try and give you some great articles each Sunday to help you face the week and cope with the grief….I think these should be a great comfort to you.

Maria Yu presents Where Do You Want to Go? posted at Life.

Anna presents How some people inspire you at The Engaging Brand.

Josh Bickford presents The World Is Bad, Why Bother? posted at Josh Bickford’s Reach For Magnificence, saying, “The world needs people that see the good in things, and improve themselves in order to improve the life of everyone.”

Think Happy Thoughts Happiness Blog presents How to Be Happier posted at Miguel Trujillo, saying, “Step by step instructions about how to be happier.”

John Hill presents Watch and Learn from Animals and Children posted at Universe Of Success.

Craig Wilson presents autofix.com.au » Look for the positives in every situation. posted at driver training for new drivers?.

steven aitchison presents Releasing the ego into spirituality posted at Change your thoughts.

Robert Hunt presents How To Boost Low Self Esteem posted at MySelfDevelopment.net.

Raymond David Salas presents How To Get Along With Your Family posted at ZenChill.com – Power Tools for Mind, Body, and Soul.

Darren presents The Minds Focus posted at Darren Hayhurst.com, saying, “The minds focus is a fascinating tool, Have you ever done this?”

Alan presents The Power of Imagination posted at Made to Be Great.

Rich Peluso presents 5 Year Old Prayer List posted at DigitalRichDaily, saying, “How a child’s words can hit the center of your heart and mind.”

Debra Moorhead presents Change Your Mood; Achieve Your Goal posted at Debra Moorhead.com.

Craig Harper presents The Science of Success. posted at Renovate your life with Craig, saying, “This is what ’science’ has taught me about successful people.”

Shamelle presents Year 2007: An Invitation To Enhance Your Life posted at Enhance Life.

Scott Lee presents Dirty Mechanism » Knock Away the Work Hard Programming posted at Dirty Mechanism.

Rory Sullivan presents Fear Comes Clad In Green Boots posted at hamelife, saying, “Make sure to Talk Back to the voice whispering defeat.”

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