Based on this rate, here is an estimate of the incidence of death among people now living in the world:

• 1.78 deaths per second
• 107 deaths per minute
• 6,390 deaths per hour
• 153,000 deaths per day
• 56.0 million deaths per year
• 3.9 billion deaths per average lifetime (70 years)

Death may feel extraordinary but in fact it is literally happen as I write this…..

That made me think that although death may be ordinary, there are aspects of grief which are extraordinary

• The love that we feel
• The depth of our strength to cope with loss
• The way it changes your outlook in life
• The way that widows and widowers cope so differently with their loss – there really is no one way of handing grief.

And of course, the extraordinary way that YOU have helped me throughout this time xx

Post from: Widows Quest

So I was interested earlier this month to read about how work – in this case football – had helped Jermaine Defoe cope with the loss of his half brother. He said

“When you are playing, it is the only place you get away from everything. The reason why you play, get on with it and do so well is because that’s where you get your peace.”

I think work can be very useful to help cope with bereavement as long as you don’t use it to mask your pain. If you use it as an escape yet be honest outside of work and allow the pain to come out, then I think that is healthy.

Was work an escape or a trauma for you?

Post from: Widows Quest

Yesterday I was at another funeral and they read out a poem called She Is Gone which really made me think about grief and how to cope with the loss of a loved one.

She is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone

or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back

or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.

Your heart can be empty becuase you can’t see her

or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back

or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on….

Anonymous

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Post from: Widows Quest

The other day she took them to a park which they used to visit as a family. She gave them some paper and a pen each. She asked them to write down what they wanted Daddy to know. After they had finished they tied the notes to a balloon each and let them go….into the sky.

I thought this was a wonderful idea. The children being young now have a pack of balloons by the side of their bed and any time they want to tell Daddy something then they can tie it to a balloon.

Will it work in the long run, time will tell but I think as a parent my friend is showing how important it is to find ways of allowing your children to express their grief. I thought I would share it with you…

Do you have any ideas to share to help widows and widowers with their children’s grief?

cloud, storms, water

Post from: Widows Quest

I told it because of the widow who wrote to me not knowing how to cope with her loss. I hoped to help her….and yet, in a way I think I helped my own grief. That story has been buried deep in my soul, I had hidden it not from the world but in many ways from me. Yes, it was me that suffered that pain but I almost saw her as a separate person…not actually me – if that makes sense?

Writing that post, has helped me surface those emotions and accept that it WAS me and that those feelings had been real. I write this to say, you know sometimes we keep emotions hidden so deep within our soul, that we become afraid of letting them  out. But you know, sometimes letting them out is part of the healing process rather than causing any more pain.

That is true for me and may be true for you. Don’t let the grief fester…let the grief out, let your soul cleanse, let your heart heal.

[istockphoto]

Post from: Widows Quest

Ari Koinuma presents This Is How Good Life Can Be posted at Ari Koinuma, saying, “Here’s a little post capturing a great evening I enjoyed recently. Reflecting on where I’ve been and where I am now, I can’t help but be grateful for how far I’ve come.”

David B Bohl presents Is Enough Ever Enough? posted at Slow Down Fast Today!, saying, “Do you ever find yourself complaining that you need more or want more of something? Time, money, love, space, material possessions, happiness–what’s your “never enough”?”

Nadege presents Create perfect endings with visualization posted at Clearly Envision.

fightingfatigue presents » Guest Blogger Post: Harnessing the Healing Power of the Mind posted at Fighting Fatigue.

Richard Onebamoi presents Your Mind: Key to your Success posted at SELF-IMPROVE-BLOG, saying, “The mind is not just man’s seat of feelings or thoughts. As a success seeker your mind is the key to the achievement of a worthy goal and the experience of growth in any area of your life.”

Neelakantha presents 100 Positive-Thinking Exercises to Incorporate into Your Life posted at RN Central.

ElleAtDefiningSomeday presents It’s Quiet Around Here posted at Defining Someday, saying, “On grief, and the quietness that comes with it.”

Chris Edgar presents Don’t Wait To Do Your “Real Work” posted at Purpose Power Coaching, saying, “Many of us are stuck in the habit of waiting for permission to do our “real work,” meaning a career in keeping with our strongest desire or true calling. Although we know what sort of work we’d find most fulfilling, we’re nagged by the feeling that we don’t have what it takes to do it yet. In this piece, I discuss ways we can give ourselves a sense of permission to pursue our ideal careers.”

Woman Tribune presents Forever the Other Woman posted at Woman Tribune.

David B Bohl presents 5 Steps To Move From Concern to Content posted at Slow Down Fast Today!, saying, “Here are some strategies I’ve discovered over my years of coaching that can help you experience more contentment in all areas of your life.”

AndrewB presents From Lame To Fame – 5 Steps posted at Personal Hack, saying, “Most of us are born with average resources yet a very few of us manage to become great. In this post I give you 5 steps to go from lame to fame Please give it a quick read and leave a comment, thanks.”

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of positive thinking using our
carnival submission form.

Post from: Widows Quest

“I lost my husband 3 years ago this month and this has been the most intensely emotional year…. I thought my life would get better, and it is the opposite. I feel a part of myself is moving on — but I am grieving this “moving on.” Please tell me if this is normal.”

First I am not sure there is anything normal about grief, or a normal reaction for widows and widowers. I believe that we all cope with loss differently and that whatever is our way, then that is normal for us…

I do understand your feelings though, I do think in the first year you concentrate more on practicality, your friends are more attentive…as time goes by the reality does set in and also your friends also move back to treating you “normally”. I also believe that grief is like a rollercoaster, you feel strong, you feel weak. The emotional ups and downs can be enormously tiring. So how I try and cope is

• Exercise. I firmly believe that a walk a day, keeps those depressions at bay!
• Set some small goals to achieve. No matter how small or how daft. Just the sense of achievement lets me feel better about myself. I remember one day my goal was ‘get up’…..but I still crossed it off my list and celebrated.
• One thing that worked for me was arranging a walking holiday for singles. It got me amongst friends, and gave me a few events to smile about.
• Maybe join a nightclass, a sports club – my mum joined bowls and has had a whole new lease of life.

But key is to remember that good old heart of yours has suffered a break, not a break that the world can see as there is no plaster cast. If it was a broken leg, 3 yrs on you may still get some pain now and again or on a cold day….your heart is the same. Sometimes it is  about showing the world that you are still hurting by talking to  those people around you…they will understand.

Anyone else want to offer some thoughts to Jan?

{iStockphoto}

Post from: Widows Quest

They struggled to cope with their loss and yet turned their focus from grief, to reaching out to the very country that had trained the terrorists who took their husbands lives: Afghanistan. They turned to empowering Afghan widows.

The new film Beyond Belief tells the story of their journey from Boston to Afghan villages, developing a powerful bond along the way and unlikely kinship with widows halfway round the world. In doing so they managed to move beyond the tragedy that had wrecked their lives.

An emotional touching film that shows how we can turn our dark depression into an inspirational life.  Here are some reviews

“Genuinely inspirational” New York magazine

“A truly remarkable story of two women filled with courage and determination” ABC News

Now I have to say you need the hankies at the ready but I was left with an amazing sense of it is not what happens to you in life, it is how you react and find a way of turning that pain into something worthwhile….. 

Post from: Widows Quest