The grief cycle is often talked about and I was talking to someone yesterday about the various stages of grief. During the conversation we started to think that there is also a different way of looking at the bereavement process – the grief position!

Stillness – you are so numb that you cannot move without really thinking about it.
Constant movement – this is when you have to plan the funeral and you are almost in a state of constant movement.
Laying down – when all the calls have stopped and you are on your own, you just lie there and cry.
Curled up …read more

I write this post not to make everyone miserable! I write this post to show that as much as I try and write in a positive way, as much as I try and write to help widows and widowers…even I …yes little old me have those days when NOTHING seems to matter!
It started last night, I don’t know why but depression fell over my body. I realised it was coming and yet I just couldn’t motivate myself to stop it from happening.
Depression – that feeling that there is nothing to hold on to, that feeling of being alone, that feeling …read more

Just when I think I am coping with the pain
I see your photo as I get into our empty bed
Just when I think I am coping with the pain
I shout out your name not remembering your dead
Just when I think I cannot cope
You leave a comment that gives me hope
Just when I think I will not heal
I realise rolling emotions are just part of the deal

As you know it was the anniversary of Dad’s death last week, Mum coped really well. I phoned her on the night and she was really cheerful, laughing with my Aunt. She said, “Oh Anna, this one date is no more important than all the other days in the year. I miss him every day.”Then last night, I phoned her to hear great sobbing at the other end of the phone. She had been away at my Aunt’s last week and that I believe that had helped her cope with the annivesary. When she returned home, she was engulfed with loneliness, depression …read more

As widows or widowers we often wonder how we can carry on…and when I find articles that show how people have successfully got their life back on track I love to share as a way of showing that as long as we believe, then we will get through this grief cycle.
I was reading on the This is Swansea website about “a nursing student was devastated by the loss of her husband in a road crash.Showing remarkable courage and fortitude, she overcame her grief and completed her degree course.”
29 year old Joanne Thomas story is described by her personal tutor “Joanne …read more

Yesterday I wrote about Words that make me shiver and smiled when the first two comments were about age. I smiled because people seem to think that when you are older you should be able to cope better – after all you have had the wonder of love for longer. The problem is that you have learned to rely on that love as part of your life for longer…
Then there are the people who lose their loved one when they are younger, they get comments like “There are many more fish in the sea” or “you are still young”…as if …read more

In a comment to my post called Do you Fear, Fear Itself, Mary left a comment saying
“I think fear doesn’t exist when you become excited about life and possibilities.”
Mary…thank you for helping me. I think you are right

We all feel the fear because our life has changed. It is adjusting to that change that is the process of grief.
We are so busy thinking so much about the effect of death that we forget about life. Because death is so final, I think we can start fearing our own mortality and instead of living each moment…..we cope with each moment.

To …read more