Failure is an emotive word and one thing that has been difficult to overcome – that feeling that I have failed in some way. Grief left me thinking that no matter what I did then I would fail, that it would be better to shy away from life then to go out and fail again.
It is strange as I don’t see losing your loved one as failure, however I think it shakes your self confidence. I think you start to doubt everything around you….when you step back that is the wrong thing to do.

Success is having loved and been loved
Success …read more

I have been working hard, sometime I think to avoid feeling. I haven’t had a full day off for 21 months. It hasn’t bothered me, because by working I have kept my mind busy. But just recently I have been feeling so low on energy, not depressed more than usua, but feeling as though someone has pinched one of my two batteries!
My friend came round today, she looked at me and said “You need a holiday” She is right, sometimes you have to just allow your body to recover, allow your batteries to recharge. Do I fear stopping work will …read more

We often struggle during our grief to find sense in the loss of a loved one – we can find no reason for our s.bereavement, our hurt. With this in mind, I wonder how I would cope with the loss of my 11 year old child, Rhys Jones. A child that by all accounts was such a happy child who just loved playing football, a boy returning from practice and who got shot in the head by a passing teenager. Why? No one will ever know – it seemed just a random killing. Maybe senseless would be a better word.
My …read more

To overcome the period of mourning, to overcome the hurt we need a great deal of inner belief.
B= Believe in your ability to cope with the pain and come through even stronger.
E= Expect to be happy again.
L=Learn to love again. Trust that the benefit of love is greater than the pain of loss.
I=Inspire your inner beliefs by setting goals for your future…inspirational goals that you can work towards.
E= Emotions. Understand your emotions, don’t fight them. Learn how to control them and what ma  kes you happy.
F= Face your problems – they will not go away, face them to face your …read more

Welcome to the July 20, 2007 edition of how to solve money worries.

ChristianPF presents How to make more money with your emergency fund posted at Money in the Bible | Christian Personal Finance Blog, saying, “A quick how-to showing you how to use an emergency fund to save more money and increase it’s growth rate.”

Millionaire Mommy Next Door presents Create Your Treasure Map To Riches posted at Millionaire Mommy Next Door, saying, “Visualizing what wealth means to you shapes the way your mind thinks about money and your life. Your mind then sets in motion the actions necessary to …read more

I got a comment about how to meet new people. I think the first thing I would say is that just like something that you have lost and are looking for – if you search too hard then you cannot find it! For me, it is about putting yourself back in a social circle, enjoying the company and looking for friendship that may grow in the future. Some ideas that I have are

Join a local interest club – walking, pottery, heritage, music
Take a course – learning a language, computer skills, cookery – whatever you would like to learn.
Hold a themed …read more

In a comment to the post Links from Tiffany there is a comment that I wanted to share
“I think widowership is temporary event. find a next partner and crash the bad memories. and enjoy with new partner or partners. life is all ways need a change”
I agree that life is about change, I have not found it as easy to move on and yet I find this comment almost refreshing. We all need to move from pain to the future, we all move from concentrating on the past to living in the future. We all move at a different pace. …read more

When you have loved someone so much – to the point it almost hurts, you can so easily start to rely on that other person for love. One thing that I now know is that loving yourself is just as important because when   you lose your husband, partner, wife etc you need to rely on that love to bring you through the depression.
I don’t mean that you love yourself to the point of arrogance, I mean love yourself for who you are, for all your strengths and foibles! That way there is still love in your life. That there …read more

The way we talk to ourselves is so important. Our self talk can so easily spiral us into depression. I “try” not to use words like can’t, won’t, if only, but, never etc Those words convince you that there is little hope and in reality hope is what we need, what we can hold on to, what gives us energy to face each day. So here are 3 things that I say – either out loud or in my head – each day

I am proud of how I am coping and how I have handled the pain.
I am glad that …read more

I was reminded of The Alcoholic’s Anonymous “serenity” prayer :
Change what you can, accept what you can’t, and cultivate the wisdom to know the difference.

I think this is as relevant to people who have lost a loved one. In grief you can spiral into depression because you want to change what has happened – or at least I did. In reality, you cannot change the fact that someone has died. What you can do is work on how you learn to cope.