During the bereavement process, guilt is one of the ugly emotions that causes the pain and stops you from moving forward. Three which I have felt

Guilt maybe about not being the perfect wife or husband
Guilt of moving forward
Guilt of not coping

But we must let go of the guilt because

There is nothing we can do about the past. No matter how much we regret or relive the moments we cannot change what has happened.
Moving forward is not about forgetting the past, it is about accepting the past and thinking towards the future. By not moving forward we won’t bring them back, …read more

I am constantly surprised at how many paradoxes there are during the grief and bereavement cycle. Let me share some 

How death makes you value life
How you are tired during the day and can’t sleep at night
How you miss those irritating habits somehow the most
How loneliness happens most in crowds
How you are strong when people expect you to be weak, and how you are weak when people expect you to be strong
How you cry even with no tears

I am sure I have missed some out, as most days I think widows and widowers struggle with two conflicting thoughts, with emotional rollercoaster feelings and …read more

I try each day to smile, I know that the world lives on and that they have troubles of their own. So I try and listen to people, I try and be there for them, often to the detriment of myself…it made me write this
The Grieving Smile
“How are you today?” Oh fine, I say and the smile appears,
The smile that reassures those people that care about me,
That I am coping – despite the grief.
Those lips that used to touch his,
Now curl upwards to to display the grieving smile
A smile that hides the pain, hides the desire to be alone
Alone with …read more

I try and go to the gym most days as a way of getting all those positive emotions to flow through this brain of mine! Today my legs were tired, really tired….the muscles were aching and they had no energy. Did I listen ? Of course not and off I went to the gym…after a few moments I realised that I had pulled a muscle
That made me think. The heart is a muscle, it aches when it is tired, it aches when it needs rest time. When we are grieving we are putting so much stress on our …read more

Grief is a strange emotion, and as time goes by I realise how hard it is…
G = Grief is something that needs work, we need to understand that although time helps…it is only when we use that time to cope with our feelings that we start to come through it.
R = Remember death happens to us all during our life. We are not unique, we are normal.
I = I now realise that the way through grief is not by looking back but by looking forward. You will never lose the memories but remember the future has new ones that can …read more

This is possible the greatest concern that many of you write to me about. Now I am no expert but I can share my thoughts and what has worked for me. Here are my tips on finding a way of getting that precious resource that feeds our body to cope with grief.

If I am thinking about something and my mind won’t stop thinking then I keep a notebook by my bed and write down the thought. This way I know that I won’t forget about it and I tell myself that there is nothing I can do tonight about it.
I …read more

The holidays are a wonderful time for family, but when someone is missing forever then the emotional drain on coping with their absence can be very high. So here are some tips from someone who is learning to cope with   family gatherings
F = Families may change in who is present but family remain a loving bond to ease the pain.
A = Allow yourself to talk about them, relive memories so that they are part of the day.
M= Mend bridges – often when a death happens and people cope with the grief differently, quarrels can occur…if they have with you, …read more

A heart is a wonderful thing, it brings life to your body. When we suffer from grief it can struggle, I know I have even felt that I have had to concentrate on breathing at times! I think we should cherish our heart..I think we should help it during the time when it is hurting. Treat it like you would a friend!  
P = Protect it. Protect it through strengthening it via exercise….even a gentle walk.
U = Understand it needs some time to cope with the bereavement, let it talk….talking allows it to diffuse the emotion.
M = Motivate it by …read more

Mum is 77 and has always lacked confidence. Dad gave her the confidence and when she lost him nearly 4 years ago, she had no idea how she would recover from her grief.
Yesterday, I was so proud of her. She has been going to a local bowls club for a while, but only when no one else was there…as she felt uncomfortable, she missed Dad by her side. But yesterday, she played for the team. OK I don’t think she will be entering the Olympics soon, but how she played was not the point. She had pushed herself to socialise, …read more

When I travel I can face roadworks, traffic jams, diversions, bad weather..in many ways that shows why this blog is called a Quest.
Life is a journey from birth to death, along the ways there will be clear, wonderful scenery and also the occasional  traffic problem that can cause frustration and heartache.
Death is a guarantee, grief will happen during our lives….we may desire a beautiful journey from our cradle to grave but realistically that will not happen – just like you will not go through life without a those traffic jams.
I think a key part to the bereavement process is being …read more