Widows Quest » courage

Are We Brave In Our Grief?

Anna Farmery — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 22:25:49 +0000

Someone was talking today and saying how brave I was, I know that the lady meant it as a compliment and I thanked her for that….however, I then started to think about being brave?Isn’t brave when you know the risk and still find the courage to do it? When you suffer a bereavement you don’t choose that, in fact courage is in quite short supply in my experience at the point of losing the person you love.I came to the conclusion that widows and widowers need to dig deep and find the courage to face the world, to not give in to that feeling of isolation, to that feeling of nothing to live for……I think from now on I will call people courageous, and leave the brave to the soldiers that fight for our freedoms. What do you think? Do you feel brave?

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Courage Under Grief

Anna Farmery — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 21:03:45 +0000

Courage to face life, the loneliness, the future on your own is something that widows and widowers all need and I know that my courage has been shaky at times. I have written down near my mirror something that my Nana told me and maybe it will help you this weekend

“Courage is not something you can get from others, courage comes from within. Just look inside, it is there waiting for you to come and embrace it. Courage just needs you to ask….and then for you to embrace it”

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Thoughts on Grief

Anna Farmery — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 18:07:09 +0000

One of our readers Frank Burns left an in depth comment to the post The Widows Quest Grief Recipe which I wanted to share with you, in case you don’t read all of the comments. (There are some great conversations that may help you by the way!) I want to thank Frank for taking the time and sharing some wonderful words on grief. Here is his comment

“Grieving is all a part of what we’re supposed to do when tragedy strikes. It is a part of our being human that triggers this response.How we cope is not entirely left to us to decide.There are caring people in the world,even those who you may have thought didn’t care about you, are only just around the corner and they will come to you and help you through your pain.

What is important for all of us to remember in every day of our lives, is the value our loved one’s left behind for others who will never forget their actions and deeds.If we can associate our emotions to the wonderful legacies that were created, that in itself, gives us the strength to fight our demons and restore some normality back into our lives.

The pain we feel inside is brought on by sudden impact of loss.It is natural, though hard to wean out of system because we are in the transition stage of mourning.We have to embrace our emotions positively and ask ourselves where we can go from here.

Create a road map and plot out your thoughts or simply write them down.Cross off what you were able to achieve day by day and soon, you’ll notice that in your personal strength, you have the will & courage to move on. Interact with others, do not corner yourself and lock the world out from your life.Be flexible and look at what you can contribute to others who need support.

If you’re online & reading this, use the Internet and eek out resources that will drive your passion forward. Within no time to next, you’ll be amazed at how much of you the world needs. As a starter, I will recommend petey.heartheirstories.com.Read, Listen & Apply all that you possess within you and your loved one’s will be guiding you through every decision you make.God Bless.”

I value the words that people write, I value the time you all take to join in the conversation. I value the fact that you all care….I value our online friendship if that doesn’t sound silly!

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Finding Your Inner Courage

Anna Farmery — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 09:49:28 +0000

I feel that courage is something that we need to find during our grief process. Widows and widowers are faced with such a massive gap, massive changes to their lives. Courage is needed to face

Life without their partner
Dealing with the parts of life that you partner would have dealt with
Going out on your own
To believe in the goodness of life
Learning and trusting to love again

Courage is often used in a military context and that makes sense to me as they also face that life and death context. Prior to losing someone we can feel immortal that life is so good it will go on forever. In reality it never will.

I think the more we can find the courage, the more we start to take those first steps to rebuilding your life. I also think that it is important to recognise that courage. Gaining that courage can be hard, however what we also must see is that courage can be so fulfilling. I remember going out for the first time to a social event…I didn’t want to go…but my friends took my hand and helped me gain that courage. Did I still miss him, of course….however, I also learned that going out did not devalue my love, I could still love and learn to enjoy life again.

Courage is inside if we only learn to trust in our ability as human beings.

What has taken the most courage for you?

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Dealing with the Fear

Anna Farmery — Tue, 27 May 2008 10:48:04 +0000

Thank you so much for the comments about this feeling of fear that I have….it meant the world to me. I loved Linda’s comment

“Courage is not the absence of fear–but the belief that something is more important than the fear.”

I have always felt that I am a courageous person. I think that is why I am struggling at the moment. In effect, I am not used to feeling fear therefore I am lost. I want to talk to someone and thinking of going to see my doctor. If I am honest I think this fear is linked to the fear of failure and going to the doctor is almost a further sign that I am failing!! Does that make sense?

I am so tearful, the slightest comment makes the tears well up inside. Yesterday, I even filled up when I saw an advert for washing up liquid! I forced myself to meet a friend for lunch yesterday…I didn’t want to but I knew it was so important to get myself out. Whilst I was out it felt better but then when I got home to the silence….then I went straight back to this feeling of emptiness.

I know I should go and talk to the Doctor and I am hoping by writing this down on this blog and admitting my feelings to the world…then I will find that courage deep inside to reach out for help.

I suppose it comes down to making that first step?

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Words of Courage

Anna Farmery — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 23:36:59 +0000

I saw this quote when I was shopping in Whole Foods yesterday, it is accredited to Mary Anne Radmacher

”Courage does not always roar,

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice

At the end of the day

Saying “I will try again tomorrow”

I think those 4 lines sum up the courage we need each day as we fight our grief, fight our loss, fight that desire to give up and walk away. But lets all remember to …try again tomorrow.

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