Widows Quest » crisis http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest Redefine Yourself and Rediscover Life after a Loss Fri, 11 Dec 2009 22:20:45 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 Understanding emotional stages http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/understanding-emotional-stages/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/understanding-emotional-stages/#comments Sat, 24 Mar 2007 15:37:34 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/understanding-emotional-stages/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> Kami Huyse talks about the 4 emotional stages of crisis management although this is about public relations the discussion about the psychology can help widows.

Psychologists call the emotional stages of survivors the Four Phases of Disaster:

1. Heroic Phase: This phase usually occurs directly after the disaster, when heroic actions are taken to help people recover from and/or survive a disaster. The media may be just arriving on the scene or not yet arrived at this phase. I definitely went through this stage – I appeared fine, dealing with everything and the friends who came around. For some reason I felt I had to be strong!
2. Honeymoon Phase: In this phase people draw together to solve problems in an intense showing of community. Media interest is intense during this phase. This phase generally lasts from one week to six months.This represents to me that stage when everyone is ringing and making sure you are alright!

3. Disillusionment Phase: People begin to get a mentality of “everyone for himself” when delays and other issues common with disaster set in. About this time media interest begins to fade and blame is assigned. This phase could extend from two months to one or more years. We have all seen this when the calls drop off and people get tired of your bereavement – this is when I understood who were my true friends

4. Reconstruction Phase: People start to pull together again to get things done, delays in the process continue to garner negative feelings and reactions. The media may revisit the disaster at this time (one-year anniversaries, etc.) I think this is where I am now, trying to rebuild my life and learn to love and live again.

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/understanding-emotional-stages/feed/ 0 Surviving – A problem without a solution http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/surviving-a-problem-without-a-solution/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/surviving-a-problem-without-a-solution/#comments Mon, 06 Nov 2006 11:25:01 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/surviving-a-problem-without-a-solution/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> As people we are used to problems and trying to solve them. The loss and bereavement process is difficult because the problem you are trying to solve has no answer. That is what confuses us and causes depression. We are used to finding solutions and we need to understand that mourning and grief is one emotion that cannot be “mended”. The solution that you want – your loved one by the side of you- will not come back.

The solution to beat this depression, is to understand that it is about survival skills…surviving the crisis and then learning to live and love again.You need to change the question that you are searching for an answer to, from - why did this happen? to How do I learn to cope with this pain? That is a problem that we can find an answer for, it is a problem that through years of experience we have learned to cope with……it is a problem with a solution.whitecloudinblacksky.jpg

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/surviving-a-problem-without-a-solution/feed/ 0 Support network http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/support-network/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/support-network/#comments Sat, 04 Nov 2006 10:08:34 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/support-network/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> I was reading an article that said that for a human effective support system you need

25% self supportbrain.jpg

20% partner support

55% support from outside the home

This is important. Often when a crisis hits us, we try and cope by ourself. This is not the best support. When you lose a loved one, you lose 20% of your support system and that needs to be relaced. This 20% needs to be shared between yourself and support from outside home through groups, friends, family. Of course, your emotional survivial needs your commitment to your health but don’t ignore the friends of others to get through the loss.

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/support-network/feed/ 0 Crisis creates clarity http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/crisis-creates-clarity/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/crisis-creates-clarity/#comments Mon, 30 Oct 2006 09:18:03 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/crisis-creates-clarity/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> What is strange is that when a “crisis” happens in your life, this can lead to greater clarity. I don’t know if you are the same but when you suffer loss, you start to think about what you really want out of life. Suddenly, life seems short to be unhappy?

That happened to me and the losing of someone you love can have a positive side effect of getting you to really think about what you want from life. For me, it caused me to rethink my career as I had not been happy for a while – I loved the people but my values were being compromised. It is a little like writing the legacy that I spoke about on a previous post.

It may be sad it is a crisis that causes this, but the outcome can be a positive one for you. Questions that I asked myself were

What do I want from life?

What is important to me?thinkingatdesk.jpg

How can I make sure his legacy lives on?

What will bring me happiness?

 Hope this helps you create clarity during this awful time.

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