Widows Quest » cry http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest Redefine Yourself and Rediscover Life after a Loss Tue, 15 Dec 2009 22:08:44 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 When your heart feels ready to break…. http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/when-your-heart-feels-ready-to-break/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/when-your-heart-feels-ready-to-break/#comments Tue, 17 Feb 2009 19:05:16 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/?p=1329 Post from: Widows Quest

]]> …just remember that you are its friend, its confidente, its means of recovery. It means

B = Being there to let it cry as crying relieves the pain

R = Remembering that even when a vase breaks, all it needs is some glue to put it back together. That glue in grief is hope, love and friendship

E = Enjoyment. Your heart needs to balance pain with enjoyment. Enjoyment is the fuel for it to grow and mend. Don’t feel guilty about laughing, going out …..your heart needs that to mend that break, it needs the fuel of life to cope with death. No matter how down you feel try and do one thing that will bring some joy…a walk, a telephone call, a film…

A = Allow the pain don’t hold it in, yet try and control that downward spiral. Allowing times to grieve is so important but so is forcing yourself through that pain barrier to live again…no one else can do that just you…and you know all of us don’t believe that our hearts will ever mend, but in time the break becomes a fracture, that becomes a crack, that becomes a chink – and although it still hurts it can help you grow into a wiser person

K = Keep believing in yourself. Your strength is immeasurable, look at what you have faced already! Human beings are resilient and if we keep going, if we keep believing that joy will come again. To help this bereavement process then give yourself something to look forward to…a holiday, a manicure, a new outfit, a doughnut on a Friday!…Always remember

One beat at a time…

One step at a time

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/when-your-heart-feels-ready-to-break/feed/ 0 The Eve of Lost Love http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-eve-of-lost-love/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-eve-of-lost-love/#comments Wed, 31 Dec 2008 12:07:37 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/?p=1229 Post from: Widows Quest

]]> If there is one night of the year that hits me hard it is New Year’s Eve, and I have never really understood why? We never used to do anything special as neither of us were party goers. I think it is the sense of starting a new year, without him….I think the grief can be explained by

E = Expectations were always high as we faced the new year together, now those expectations are about more about surviving than living

V=Vacuum. For all that you try and fill your life and fill your time…on special nights that vacuum seems stronger.

E = Everyone I see is together, together laughing and together loving…..that just brings the loneliness home even more.

Now I sound down and that is not right on New Years Eve. My life is full of many things, my life is full of hope and that is how I will face tonight. I will cry no doubt but also smile at the knowledge that no matter what this world throws at me I will get through due to the love that will never leave me.

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-eve-of-lost-love/feed/ 6 The Alchemy of Loss http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-alchemy-of-loss/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-alchemy-of-loss/#comments Mon, 08 Dec 2008 17:18:06 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/the-alchemy-of-loss/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> Wow! I have just read an inspiring book called The Alchemy of Loss. This is a book that tracks the journey of a Abigail Carter who lost her husband in the September 11th disastor.  This book is such an honest reflection of how grief affects and changes you, it makes you smile, it makes you cry…it makes you remember…..but most of all it gives you hope.

I really enjoyed the book, because it seemed so honest and also it showed that you can grow through your bereavement. I have chosen a couple of quotes from the book which I know many of you will be able to relate to….

Talking about the funeral, Abigail is lost

“I was resolved to celebrate Arron’s life, too, rather than mourn it. I wanted to remember him the way he really was………It was time for Plan B…..There was no books called How to Plan a Celebration of Life. There was very little information on this touchy subject of death at all…I was desperate.”

To the end of the book (if not the journey!)

“I looked at a picture of myself, taken a few months after September 11, looking tired and sad as I held Carter in my lap and tried hard to smile for the camera. I was glad that I no longer had that beaten down look in my eyes and that my smile alcehmy.jpgnow came from genuine happiness….That woman was now an ingredient of who I had become.”

To any widow or widower who wants a book that helps them understand their grief, who helps them both come to terms with their bereavement and also inspires hope for the future, then this is a wonderful insight that will make you smile and cry all at the same time.

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-alchemy-of-loss/feed/ 3 The Emptiness Inside…. http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-emptiness-inside/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-emptiness-inside/#comments Mon, 24 Nov 2008 15:10:58 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/the-emptiness-inside/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> I was with Mum yesterday, and she started to cry when a song came on the radio. I held her hand as she talked to me about the emptiness that she felt since Dad died. As widows and widowers, we all understand that feeling – that feeling that engulfs you when you least expect it.As we walk around we look the same, maybe a little sadder, maybe a little more remote but in essence we look the same. Yet inside our souls there is a difference, there is an emptiness that leaves a huge void in our heart, in our soul. That emptiness cannot be seen but it sure can be felt.  How did we deal with that emptiness yesterday? Well, I held my mums hand and told her how proud that I am of her, I told her how much I loved her and as long as I had breath in my body I would be there for her. We cannot fill the emptiness but we can help close the hole, by reaching out to others and being there for them. Love may well be different for friends, family and partners but you know the one connection is that loving someone is the most wonderful gift to them, and the most wonderful gift for you. 

[istockphoto] 

 

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]]> http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/the-emptiness-inside/feed/ 0 Songs For Grief and Loss http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/songs-for-grief-and-loss/ http://www.blisstree.com/widowsquest/songs-for-grief-and-loss/#comments Fri, 16 May 2008 15:48:03 +0000 Anna Farmery http://www.widowsquest.com/songs-for-grief-and-loss/ Post from: Widows Quest

]]> Music is a huge part of my life – it cheers me up, it makes me sad, it makes me dance, it makes me relax. The words can be so powerful when you are grieving and going through a bereavement of someone close.

I came across a site which shows the lyrics of songs for grief and loss  – is your favourite on there? I saw Candle in the Wind and that reminded me of how Elton John re wrote the words for Princess Diana’s funeral – I don’t know anyone who didn’t cry at those lyrics. listeningtomusic.jpg

If you have written lyrics or words I would love to hear about them – you can email me at anna@b5media.com

{photo from iStockphoto}

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